I don't bake

It's 9:30 p.m. and I'm still in the kitchen.

I haven't left since we ate dinner around 7:30 p.m.

I decided I needed something to snack on and Hubs needed a treat.

First of all, I don't bake. I hate baking. Always have.

When I do, it never turns out well and I get irritated before I'm done.

So, I just don't bake.

But I found this recipe on the Minimalist Baker website and it sounded super delicious. Plus, I've been going at this challenge for over a week now and I need to reward myself somehow. Of course, a juicy burger or a big fat cheesy sausage and pepperoni pizza would be preferable but..... nope.

Sea Salt and Dark Chocolate Granola is the prize!

I climb up into our pantry and go shopping on the plant-based shelf.  I feel like a kid in HomeEc. Do they even teach HomeEc in schools anymore? I get all I need and thank God we have a good-sized island in the kitchen to hold all this nonsense.

With the directions printed out next to me (yes, I'm old school), I start up.

I pulse rolled oats, walnuts, almonds, coconut, chia seeds, cocoa powder, sea salt, and refined sugar in the food processor a few times and then dump the mixture into a glass mixing bowl.  This mixing bowl hasn't seen action since I baked that cake at Easter all those years ago because I had an awesome bunny-shaped pan to use.

I melt coconut oil and pure maple syrup in a saucepan until it's blended and then pour it over the mixing bowl mixture. So far so good. I got this.I'm listening to "The Voice" on the tv in the living room and feel like Kelly Clarkson when she gets excited because that girl hit that note that shouldn't be humanly possible. I'm making freakin' granola and haven't wanted to shoot myself yet! Oh yeah!

I spread the mixture onto a large baking sheet, shove it in a 340 degree oven and let it work its magic for about 24 minutes, after flipping halfway.  Then I see that once it's cooled, it's optional to mix in some dairy, soy and nut-free vegan dark chocolate chips.

Ok, dairy, soy and nut-free vegan dark chocolate chips? I'm a chocolate fan, ya'll. I only buy the quality stuff. So this is all new to me and I have no idea what this so-called "chocolate" is going to taste like. So far on this journey, everything else that says it's "vegan cheese" or "vegan taco meat" has just been an imposter. Don't make me think that just because it's called taco meat or cheese and looks like taco meat and cheese that it's going to then taste like taco meat and cheese because it doesn't... AT ALL! So, I'm quite leery of using this vegan chocolate.
Before I use any of these chocolate chips, I open the bag to test them out. It looks like regular dark chocolate chips. I pop one in my mouth and almost scream. It tastes like a dark chocolate chip! I run over to Hubs who's relaxing on the sofa and say, "Here, try this!" and shove a handful of chips in his mouth. I needed to make sure I hadn't lost my mind. Nope. He agreed. Well, son of a........vegan!! I will gladly sprinkle some optional chocolate chips all over the top of the granola!

The granola is absolutely delicious and it took everything out of both of us not to eat the entire tray! It now lives in a bucket on our kitchen counter and I sparingly will grab a handful once a day. I might have taken a small ziplock of it to work with me too - for those middle of the day emergencies.

That didn't take as long as I thought it would and I was actually successful so I figure why not try my luck at more baking. Who am I? It's about 10pm now and we're usually forcing ourselves to stay awake to take the dogs out one last time before bed at 10pm and here I am gearing up to bake something else!

Hubs loves chocolate chip cookies. Ok, I love them too.

I had already made a mess of the kitchen so why not add some flour to the disaster area?

I went back to my pantry and pulled out all the ingredients I would need for this baking adventure. (Thanks to the Oh She Glows website for the recipe).

Oats, Oat flour, almond flour, arrowroot flour/starch

Geez, really?

Coconut oil, pure maple syrup, almond butter, pure vanilla extract

Ok, what else?

Pink Himalyan salt and baking powder. No, soda. Baking soda. Shoot. I always get those mixed up.

Ok, I got it all. I think.

Parchment paper. I forgot the parchment paper. Back to the pantry, I go.

Ok, I wash my good ole mixing bowl and the directions say to mix all the wet ingredients first.

Wet? Ok. I wouldn't have said almond butter was wet. But ok, it's not dry. I get it.

I told you baking isn't my thing, right?

Then stir the dry ingredients into the mixture, one by one.

I know I'm going to forget something.

Chop the chocolate into chunks. Huh?

Chop the chocolate chips? No, that can't be right.

Oh, they wanted me to get a chocolate bar.

Uh no. These chips will do just fine, thank you.

So I throw those chips into the batter and mix it all up.

It's a sloppy mess at this point and so is my kitchen. Well, truth be told, so am I.

You can't give me three types of flour and maple syrup and expect it not to get messy.

Christina Tozzi would not be happy right now but, let's face it, she needs to lighten up anyway.

Now comes the fun part. This recipe makes 12 jumbo cookies so while I try to use a spoon to measure out the exact amount at first, that doesn't last long. After the first one, I'm all in with both hands making these mounds. After I get the first row of three placed on the parchment paper-lined cookie sheet, I see that the mounds are starting to flatten out. Thankfully, the recipe tells me this may happen - it's because of the almond butter. Here I am thinking, "The girl who doesn't bake is at it again trying to be something she's not and screwing things up." Four rows of three (or is it three rows of four?) slowly flattening mounds of cookie batter are now ready to go into the oven and this girl is hopeful!

After about 10 minutes, I check them and, while they have all started to become Siamese twins with their pan partners, they seem to be done!

The toughest part? Waiting.

They have to hang out on the pan for five to six minutes because they are super delicate.

Who doesn't love fresh, hot, right out-of-the-oven cookies?  Kind of like doughnuts at Krispy Kreme when the light is on. You just HAVE to go get one (or a dozen).

But I made it this far without a mistake, so I need to give it the time it needs to perfect itself.

As I gently use a spatula to move them to a cooling rack for 10 minutes, so they will be able to firm up more, I am starting to feel myself turning blue and wanting to just devour the entire freakin' tray!

But, I wait (where is all this patience coming from lately?) and I'm so glad I did because it was so worth it! They are absolutely delicious. They may not be formed like normal cookies. They may not break apart like normal cookies. But who cares? They TASTE like normal cookies! No, they taste like delicious cookies!

How is this possible? Why would anyone eat store-bought cookies like Chips Ahoy (bleh) or even the ones that you buy in the refrigerated section and break apart and bake? Knowing all the crap that you are consuming, wouldn't you rather make them at home with this recipe out of all natural plant-based goodness? They taste the same! They are soft with gooey chocolate in the middle and a firmness on the edges. If you wanted to make them crispy, keeping them in the oven a little longer would easily make that happen.

I truly am amazed.

First, that these cookies are downright yummy!

Second, that I am the one who baked them from scratch and they still turned out that yummy!

For the first time, during this challenge, I actually have made something that is really enjoyable and that's probably because it tastes like something I'm used to and love. It figures that it's a dessert, of all things! 

Obviously, this is my grandmother's spirit - the sweet tooth matriarch of my life - making this happen. There's just no other explanation because..... I don't bake!