Day 29 -One more day

In case anyone is wondering, this whole food, plant-based way of eating just flat out sucks. It's time consuming. It's frustrating.  It's bland. It's exhausting. It's borderline depressing.

Stay tuned in the next few days for my official "after action report" and what I plan to do next.

For now, it's time to dream about my favorite burger........

Day 25 - Not always as it appears

Everyone who lives this lifestyle says that I should keep it simple. Take a few things and just add to them or rotate them throughout the week with a few variations. It's easy to get caught up and overwhelmed, they say. Well, as much as I like keeping it simple, I love food and I love to cook. So if I'm going to do this, I'm not just going to eat a salad or beans and rice, I'm going to go after some intricate recipes in hopes that they are mouthwateringly delicious! It's Day 25 and that still hasn't happened but I'm still trudging along!

In thinking back over what I've made during this challenge, I found some pictures that I don't think I've shared.  It was in looking at these photos that I realized that things aren't always as they appear.

For example, take the Polenta Crostini with Chickpea Pesto  shown below. I was pretty proud of how this looked. It was easy to make and it looked like it would be tasty. Nope. Completely tasteless. How can something look like this and not have flavor? I was so disappointed and am all over again looking at this photo.

Next are Oil-free potatoes and onions with garlic.

Looks ridiculous. Granted, it's still on the parchment paper which doesn't help, but guess what? It was really good! I love potato chips and Hubs and I don't keep them in the house. Why? For good reason. We'd eat a bag a day! But this recipe was super easy and completely natural with three ingredients! Looks absolutely wretched though.

Lentil and Walnut Taco Salad

I can't tell if this looks yummy or gross, to be honest. It was supposed to be in a lettuce wrap but the lettuce leaves were too small so I turned it into a salad. Peppers, onions, tomatoes, avocado (because avocado makes everything better) and taco "meat" made out of food-processed walnuts and green lentils with seasonings. It was edible which is a plus but it sure didn't make me believe it was good as ground beef.

Tomato and Chickpea Ragu

Now this looks utterly nasty to me but it was surprisingly good. It was spicy which is probably why I was ok with it - because there was some sort of flavor. Chickpeas are completely boring to me but if I can mix them up into a tomato, onion and mushroom deliciousness then bring on those little nuggets of protein!

Now, these!!

These looked good AND were yummy!

Summer Rolls

I love summer rolls.

I often buy them at Wegmans, when I am home, and devour them.

So I figured, we're on the home stretch now and I have rice paper in my pantry, so let's do this thang!

I held my breath, I followed the directions and I was ready for disaster, but......alas! Something finally worked! Am I getting the hang of this now that it's almost over? Ha, that's funny. No, I just got lucky and these really aren't that difficult to prepare.

Pick whatever veggies you want, slice 'em up real thin and roll 'em up in that thing like a burrito. I have to admit, the first one I took out after soaking in warm water for five seconds resembled and felt like a condom. Actually, it was probably a Dollar Store condom because it tore almost instantly.

Dear God, this went downhill quick.

Anyway, carrots, cucumber, red pepper, orange pepper, cilantro, vermicelli rice noodles. Some had shrimp in them. I said that I wasn't giving up seafood - just minimal (tuna and shrimp - no sauces and not fried). I would NEVER give up seafood. Meat is one thing. Dairy is one thing. But I live at the beach and my daddy would instantly strike me down from the heavens above if I committed such a crime!

I even made the WFPB peanut dipping sauce and it wasn't too terrible. There was something there that stuck out that I wasn't fond of but in general, I was pleased. Much better than all that crap you can't even pronounce or understand on a grocery store bottle of peanut sauce!

One thing I've learned over the course of these last 25 days is that you truly cannot judge this food by the way it looks. I mean you can, and I do, but it's not always as it appears!

Day 22 - Another Hurdle Overcome

Well, you probably thought I fell off the face of the earth, huh? It's been over a week since I've posted. You're probably thinking that I gave up and couldn't face admitting that to everyone, right? Nope. Not one bit. A lot has been going on though. I've been frustrated, sad, depressed, irritated and I think my taste buds are dying with each passing day. But I haven't given up. Only 8 more days to go!

 

As if eating in a whole-food, plant-based way wasn't enough of a challenge, I went "on the road" for four days. Not having my pantry at my disposal for a long weekend was definitely a challenge and it would have been easy to throw in the towel or to cheat - just a little - but I didn't. Not because I didn't want to but because my awesome Hubs and the Best Mom Ever wouldn't let me! Truly, the two of them have been such an incredible support system and I doubt I would have lasted this long without them.

Instead of that yummy bacon, egg and cheese on an asiago bagel or the spinach and feta pastry, I drank the purple kale, blueberries and banana juice. I snacked on grape tomatoes or a nut and seed mixture that I threw together if I got a hunger pain. I had a breakfast of blueberries and strawberries or almond butter on 21-grain flourless bread.

Dinners were tough but I sucked it up. Zoe's Kitchen made it easy for me as I chose the baked falafel pita (minus the tzatziki and feta), and a side order of red pepper hummus. I had never had falafel before and I figured the best place to try it would be at a café that specializes in Mediterranean food. It wasn't bad. But it also wasn't good. Again, to follow my unfortunate theme, pretty tasteless. Thankfully, I like hummus and thought ahead and ordered Zoe's because it gave the sammich flavor. Phew! I don't need falafel again though but it served its purpose that day!

One night, I prepared the first WFPB meal I ever made again and shared it with Mom. Lucky Mom, huh? Yeah, quit being so negative! She liked it!! Lentil Bolognese Casserole. I admit, I told her to go ahead and add some mozzarella cheese to hers. I didn't want to make her suffer because of my self imposed losses. It was good though and the cashew garlic "parmesan" on top wasn't too shabby either.

The last night, we ordered take out from Not Your Average Joe's which was difficult for me. I LOVE their homemade foccaccia bread and olive oil, red pepper flakes, garlic and parmesan cheese dipping oil! I love it so much that Hubs found the recipe for the oil last year and we've been able to replicate it at home! I could have had our favorite cobb salad with bacon and blue cheese crumbles or the four cheese pasta bake, but I was good and chose the spaghetti squash and mushroom bolognese. No dairy. No meat. No happy. Actually, it was good but, of course, cheese would have helped and so would grilled chicken. It was more like a ratatouille and I like ratatouille but I can make a better ratatouille at home.

Good news, I was able to eat dessert!! Mom love desserts and always has them at her house so I knew this would be a struggle. While my friend, Sarah, came to visit and brought big, sloppy, sweet cinnamon rolls (which I wanted to inhale), I ate a few scoops of the dairy, soy and nut free coconut "ice cream" that I found at Mom's Organic Market the day before! Chocolate, coconut and hazelnut. It was pretty darn delicious and had the consistency of custard.

I survived the four-day road trip. It sure wasn't easy. This way of eating isn't easy to begin with and it's pretty labor intensive. But like the Best Mom Ever said, "You've made it this far!" How on earth could I stop now? It would make the past three weeks completely worthless and I am surely not doing this because it's fun!

Triple Almond Energy Balls

As much as I am frustrated by the lack of flavor in most dishes during my first two weeks of the 30 day challenge, the one thing that surprises me is the deliciousness of the treats I've made. I made sea salt dark chocolate granola and chocolate chip cookies last week. Check out my previous blog post titled, "I don't bake")Keep in mind, that Hubs ate the majority of both of those things. I took a small ziplock of granola with me to work one day and it lasted me all week. I also took a handful or two as I passed by it once or twice but that was it. I only had three of the 12 cookies that were made also. But you know what the best part is? Not a big of processed crap went into any of those treats! All natural flours, sugars, and no dairy! (

Well, thanks to the Oh She Glows website, I found out about these tasty little morsels this past weekend!

Triple Almond Energy Balls

Best part?

Not a drop of added sugar in them!!

The natural sweetness comes from a half cup of raw medjool dates!!

I've never had a date before in my life.

Ha - the fruit, goofballs. I'm talking about the fruit of the date palm tree!

Raw almonds, raw cashews and medjool dates!

Almond butter, cinnamon, almond extract, sea salt and water

Mix it all up in a food processor, roll it into a ball and it's that easy!

I rolled a few of mine in unsweetened raw organic shredded coconut and a few in organic vegan cacao powder.

They go in the freezer for an hour to firm up and then they are absolutely delicious!

Honestly, the plain ones had better flavor to me than the cacao powder ones. I love coconut, so that just made perfect sense to roll them in that heavenly drupe! These look and taste like I'm eating something so horribly bad for me and the best part is I'm not!

If there's anything that will stick with me after this 30 day challenge, it will definitely be the dessert/treat recipes that I've found. Why would anyone made sweets with processed crap, sugars and other ingredients that you don't even know how to pronounce when you can make all natural sweets and they are truly just as delicious!??! Coming from someone who doesn't bake and who hasn't found any flavor in most of these dishes, this is a huge compliment!

Now if I could only eat these all day every day, I could handle this lifestyle with ease!

If you want any of the recipes, feel free to leave me message and your email in a comment on a blog post!

Day 16 - Pizza or Jackfruit

Last night, Day 15, the halfway point of this whole food, plant-based challenge, I was extremely weak. Not physically weak, but mentally weak. I had three meals planned that I could have prepared for dinner but I truly didn't want a single one of them. None of them sounded remotely good to me.

All I wanted was pizza.

A Sicilian pizza from Southern Shores Pizza.

Hubs could pick it up like he usually does and I'd get the plates and beer ready for his return.

Lots of sauce, gooey cheese, Italian sausage and pepperoni on a thick soft-in-the-middle, crispy-on the-outside-crust

If we were gonna cheat, we were gonna do it right!

I wanted that pizza so badly I could taste it and smell it. But I didn't get it.

The only reason I didn't is because Hubs was home. He wanted it too but wouldn't let me do it. (Damn, I love this man!) I've made it this far. I'm halfway through.

We're on the downhill stretch now, right?

So many people are telling me that they stopped even wanting cheese by now. Seriously? My love of cheese has not faded one bit. "Give it time", they say. Honestly, I don't want to lose my taste for cheese. It's not like I dream about cheese. I didn't even crave cheese before but I do like high quality cheese as a snack, with a glass of wine and bread, or to top off a burger or melted in pasta dish.

 

Some studies say that cheese is as addictive as crack because of a chemical called casein. Casein triggers the brain's opioid receptors which is linked to the control of reward, pain and addiction. Other studies say that the real science behind it is much more complex and highly-processed foods are the extremely problematic ones - high in carbs, salt and fat.

I was told from the start that if I cut out all dairy and processed foods that I would reach the goals I set for myself at the end of this 30-day challenge. 14 more days and we'll see. So far, physically, it is working but mentally is a totally different story!

Since I'm not allowed to have cheese, pizza was out. And no, don't even think about telling me I can do pizza without cheese - that is NOT going to happen. I'd rather not have it at all.

In the vegan and WFPB world, jackfruit is all the rage now.

Jackfruit is a species of tree in the fig and mulberry family native to southwest India.

This tree has the largest tree-borne fruit weighing as much as 80lbs!

High in fiber and with the look and texture of meat, jackfruit is, with good reason, very popular among vegetarians.

I needed to see what all the rage was about and chose the Tex Mex version over the original BBQ version, hoping it would be more flavorful. Plus, if I'm going to have BBQ, I'm having High Cotton or Pigman's pulled pork BBQ. I don't want a knock off - just can't mentally do it.

I made fresh salsa to go on the jackfruit tacos.

 mango, red onion, red pepper, jalapeno, cilantro and fresh squeezed lime juice

It's good thing, I made the salsa because that's pretty much where the flavor came from. The jackfruit wasn't disgusting. It wasn't offensive. But it also wasn't anything extraordinary. I'm still waiting for something to "wow" me.

Was it better than the lentils and walnut "taco meat" from last week?

Yep, but I truly believe that was a texture thing and not as much of a flavor thing.

There was only enough jackfruit for Hubs and I to have two very small soft tacos each so that was disappointing because we were pretty hungry. So, I cut up some sweet potatoes into fries, tossed them in turmeric, onion powder, black pepper and paprika and baked them for dessert.

I didn't have much to clean up in the kitchen.

Our stomachs weren't growling any more.

It wasn't a complete waste.

But I still wanted the pizza.

My food & family connection

I grew up in a family of meat and potato eaters. My mom's dad was a butcher and a caterer. I always remember very heavy comfort food meals at my grandparents' house growing up. There was always gravy involved. I remember my grandfather always having a plate that looked like everything was running together. That drove me crazy because for the longest time I couldn't stand any of my food touching. There are still some things that I don't want touching on my plate!

My grandfather died when I was 11 years old and I remember it as if it was yesterday. He drove himself to a doctor's appointment that morning and the doctor couldn't believe it.  Doc said his heart "exploded". Granddad was in the hospital's Cardiac Care Unit for about 15 days and never came out. He died way too young at the age of 64.

My grandmother never cooked. Why would she? The love of her life was a butcher and loved to cook and bake. Grandmother loved her desserts and there was never a table that didn't have some sort of sweet as part of the meal at their house. During the summers, the food may not be as heavy but it was usually some sort of fried goodness. After my grandfather passed and my grandmother got older, she started leaning toward frozen food meals ridden with salt because of the ease in which they came. She never gave up her sweets though. Pepperidge Farm. Little Debbie. Cakes, pies, cookies, brownies. She didn't discriminate. When my grandmother was 78, she had triple bypass surgery and a pacemaker placed as well. A few months shy of her 90th birthday, my grandmother died from complications of heart disease.

My grandparents were overweight but not obese. They didn't have the healthiest of lifestyles when it came to eating but that's the way they were raised. Honestly, they didn't know any better back then. None of us did. I sure didn't. They were happier than any couple I have ever witnessed in my almost 45 years, though. No one (aside from my dad) enjoyed life as much as my grandfather did. If you were able to ask Granddad right now, I'm sure he'd tell you he didn't regret a thing and would probably do it all over again the exact same way.

Growing up, we always had some sort of meat, potatoes and bread on the table too. It wasn't just at my grandparents' house. But think about it, my parents grew up that way because their parents did. It's all they knew. I loved mom's roast beef. No matter how many times I tried to do it myself, I couldn't get it to taste like hers. Roast beef cooked in the crockpot with mashed potatoes, gravy and carrots. Dad and I would always make a hot roast beef sandwich out of it and we were so proud of ourselves. A piece of white bread - slices of roast, mashed potatoes on top, another piece of white bread and then smother it in gravy. Top it off with a ton of black pepper. Dad would do the same thing but he'd put the mashed potatoes first and then the meat. We'd always laugh that the other one did it wrong. Mom would always shake her head at us because we did such things with our food. We'd often want more because it was so delicious but we'd have an open face one for the second helping.

When I knew I was going to start this 30-day challenge, I spent a week eating all of the things that I knew I loved and wouldn't be able to have during those 30 days (and maybe never again).  Mom's roast beef was one of those things and yes, I made the obligatory hot roast beef sandwich. No doubt, Dad was with me in spirit. It made me smile, and yes, I enjoyed it thoroughly because Mom made it.

After high school, probably in college, I started changing my eating habits. It didn't take long and I was able to help transition my parents' way of eating as well. Before long, there weren't any more fried foods being presented at the dinner table. Steak wasn't a weekly staple. There were salads and rice and more vegetables. Items were being grilled more. Olive oil was being used instead of butter. Mom still had to have her bread and desserts though and that won't ever change. Dad would still salt everything out of habit before he ever even tasted it which made me absolutely crazy. But we all have our vices.

We are all a product of our environments. I am a product of my parents eating habits but I was luckily able to break the mold pretty early on and help them to a certain extent as well. It's not easy to change after being a certain way for so very long. I never blamed any of my family members for that but I knew that with a family history of heart disease, I needed to do something to take charge of my health while I still could.

Where am I going with all of this? Am I just blabbing on and on? In a way, I guess I am. Stream of consciousness, really. The bottom line is food is a big part of me. Family is a big part of me. Food and family have always gone hand in hand for me. Family meals were important and for the most part aren't even practiced anymore. It truly makes me sad. Most of my fondest memories revolve around food and family. Sitting around the dinner table was always the one time out of each day that we would always spend as quality time. Holiday meals were always filled with tons of people and tons of good food. Over the years, those tables would get smaller because people would either move away and create families of their own or their time here on this earth was up. Still, even if it was just the three of us - me, Mom and Dad- we still had incredible times around the dinner table. Perhaps that's why I love entertaining so much. Perhaps that's why I love cooking so much. It's in my blood. I know that when I am in my zone in the kitchen it's because of my grandfather. I literally can feel him at times, pushing me to continue, motivating me and helping me find my way in the kitchen.

So, this challenge truly is a challenge for me. It's not just changing the way I eat. It's changing all that I know about food. In a way, it's taking away my childhood. My connection. It feels like it's taking away my happiness - the joy that I have always found surrounding food. That joy isn't there right now and that makes me sad. It also makes me angry. My grandfather was taken from this earth suddenly and way too soon. Was it due to his eating habits? Most likely - it sure didn't help any. My grandmother lived to almost be 90 but if it wasn't for her heart disease she wouldn't have suffered for three long weeks and she'd still be here.  Was her demise a product of her eating behaviors? All signs point to that being in the affirmative.

My grandparents. They loved food. They loved their lives. They loved each other. They enjoyed every moment. Out of 64 total years, my grandfather only suffered for 15 days. Out of almost 90 years, my grandmother only suffered for three weeks. Those 15 days and three weeks were absolutely devastating nightmares for all of us and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it didn't consume them. It wasn't a disease that had changed their lives here on earth. They lived their lives and they lived it with such happiness and pure love and joy... and surrounded by delicious food.

Right now, I'm looking at this eating challenge as a way to improve my health and to physically feel better and look better. I'm looking at the future and knowing the odds are against me for heart disease because of my family history and I don't want to make it worse for myself. Odds are, I won't be lucky like my grandparents were because I don't have any children or siblings (not like my dad's was ever useful) to take care of me when I get sick or am dying. I don't want to put that burden on Hubs; not if I can help it. Not if I have any control over it. It's kind of like continuing to smoke cigarettes even after the doctor tells you that if you keep at it, he won't be able to help you and you'll soon have a heart attack and will die. Why keep doing it when you know it's not going to be a positive outcome? Wouldn't that be enough to make you stop? So shouldn't this be enough to warrant me making a change in my eating?

Of course it should, and that's a big reason why I chose this path.

But then I hear my dad. He would truly think that I had lost my mind by doing this challenge and by considering changing my entire food lifestyle. He knows how much joy I find in food because he shared in that joy. Did his eating habits cause his cancer? Absolutely not. I know without a doubt that Agent Orange, as a result of being sent to Vietnam, is what caused his cancer. But, if he had changed his eating habits, could it have prolonged his life and perhaps even cured his cancer? It definitely wouldn't have hurt and probably would have helped. I wish he would have changed his diet when he was first diagnosed 21 years ago. I wish that diet and knowing about whole food plant based eating would have been at the forefront back then. I wish I would have known back then how monumental this lifestyle is to healing. But by the time I did, it was too far gone. In 2015, when chemo was the only option left to treat my dad's prostate cancer, with the help of my lifelong best friend who is a nurse, I tried to get Dad to understand the healing power of food. We got a holistic doc on board and she started him on supplements and a nutrition plan but he didn't follow it 100%.  He changed some of his habits but not enough and honestly, at that stage in his life, I couldn't blame him. I could blame me, though and I did. Actually, I still do.

So when I whine and bitch because I want a burger or I want to eat an entire block of cheese for dinner with a bottle of wine, or I want that fried chicken breast or I want that filet mignon with hollandaise sauce, or I want to eat that entire chocolate cake, I have to remind myself that it's not ALL about the food. In the same respect, it's not NOT all about the food either. I have to step back and remember. I couldn't save my grandfather, my grandmother, or my dad. But I have a chance at saving me. By doing that, I don't feel like they completely died in vain.

To quinoa or not to quinoa

To quinoa or not to quinoa?

That is the question.

At least it was last night.

Quinoa

Pronounced "Keen Wah"

I think it gets a bad rap and, actually up until recently, I had been involved with that misconception.

I would see quinoa and black bean burgers or quinoa salads on menus and wonder why anyone would want to eat "that stuff" when I really didn't know anything about "that stuff".  

This herbaceous annual plant grown as a grain crop was first domesticated about 4,000 years ago by the Andean people. This crop was held sacred by the Incas and referred to as the "mother of all grains".

Quinoa also has plenty of health benefits and is a staple in the whole food, plant based way of eating!

 Honestly, I had never tried this particular whole grain before this self-imposed challenge. Early on in this journey, I made a quinoa salad which was not appealing. Hubs ended up eating the rest of it - at least it didn't go to waste. We figured it must have been a texture thing with me. It looked pretty though.

Considering I still had about four cups of quinoa left, and I refuse to waste food, I decided to give quinoa another chance. I'm so glad I did, because not only was this recipe easy and all made in one pan,  but it was pretty good! So good that I thought I'd share the recipe with you!

One Pan Mexican Quinoa

2 cloves garlic, minced (about 1 tsp)

1/2 jalapeno, minced

1 cup quinoa

1 cup vegetable broth, plus 1 tablespoon

1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 (14.5 oz) can fire-roasted diced tomatoes

1 cup corn kernels, frozen, canned

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon cumin

ground black pepper, to taste

1 avocado, diced

Juice of 1 lime

chopped fresh cilantro leaves

Directions:

1. Heat tablespoon of vegetable broth in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add garlic and jalapeno, and cook, stirring frequently, until fragrant.
2. Stir in quinoa, cup of vegetable broth, beans, tomatoes, corn, chili powder and cumin.Season with pepper, to taste.
3. Bring to a boil; cover, reduce heat and simmer until quinoa is cooked through, about 20 minutes.
4. Stir in avocado, lime juice and cilantro

(recipe adapted from Damndelicious.net)

To quinoa or not to quinoa?

The jury is still out but where this dish is concerned,

we're going with quinoa for the win!

A simple staple

I have quickly found by eating the whole-food, plant-based way, that I have a lot of leftover food items or half full bags or fresh produce in my kitchen that quickly starts to deteriorate or get lost in the shuffle. I found a recipe the other day in my daily obsessive internet searching, called "Clean out the Fridge Soup". This sounded like a perfect way to literally clean out my fridge and my kitchen! I have a little of this and a little of that but none of it is enough to make something by itself. So I decided to take this recipe to heart and made it my own.

I actually felt creative - for once - by putting this concoction together!

I started by sauteing chunks of yellow onion in garlic.

Then I added organic, low sodium vegetable broth.

Sliced mushrooms - can't get enough of these!

Diced celery - I hate celery.

Carrots - only had a few left

Green beans - I don't even know why I had those in the fridge

Let's see, what else could we thrown in this pot?

Kale - shoot - it's already spoiled. Next time.

Ah the rest of the bag of red potatoes. Chop those babies up!

Then a can of diced tomatoes with its juices.

Now this looks fine and great, but what do I do to flavor it other than garlic and black pepper?

Then it hit me!

I want this to be rustic!

Country rustic!  

Maybe beach rustic is more appropriate. Ah, whatever.

So I threw in a ton of rosemary and thyme.

Finished it off with a hint of crushed red pepper and brought it to a boil.

Once I could tell the potatoes were cooked, I let it simmer for about a half hour.

It was then time. The truth was about to come alive.

Was this going to be any good or, like every other meal I've prepared on this journey, tasteless?

One taste off the wooden spoon and.....

DELISH!

It was exactly what I had hoped it would be!

Hubs came in from the gym and I shoved a spoonful in his mouth.

I waited, I watched and then....

"It tastes like beef stew!"

YES!! I had done it!

Finally!

Easy, delicious and all plant based!

If nothing else, I'll make this once a week to clear out my kitchen and make room for new stuff.

I have found my simple staple that I so desperately need!

Day 12 - Maybe it's worth it after all

Last night was a tough night. I was tired from a long day. I had no energy. I had a headache. Hubs had a sore throat and was groggy from meds. This would have been the perfect night for us to say we needed comfort food and to go to our favorite bar to hang out with our favorite bartender and bury our funk into our incredible favorite burger. But we didn't. We powered through. It was more than tempting though.

On tap for dinner was butternut squash and navy bean lasagna.
Sounds delicious, doesn't it?
Nope, not one damn bit.
Lasagna should be full of meat and oozing with cheese.
I gotta get over this, don't I?
Yeah, don't hold your breath.

Organic, oil-free, spicy marinara sauce and brown rice lasagna noodles sound acceptable.
Roasted butternut squash is fine with me.
I've made butternut squash stuffed shells before - but they had goat cheese in them.
This time it's butternut squash, navy beans, tahini, lemon juice, garlic, basil, oregano, onion powder, parsley and nutritional yeast. Not so bad until you have to put it all in a food processor and chop/blend it up into a mush.  Oh yeah, and then the blender stops working with all of this chunky mess in it!!!

At this point, I just throw my hands up in the air, scream and storm off to the dining room table, possibly mumbling an obscenity or two and plop myself down in a chair, head in my hands, eyes shut and just tell myself to take a deep breath. At this point, I hear a noise and I open my eyes and see my sweet girl with a piece of spinach in her mouth. Sigh.

After my breakdown, I go back to the kitchen and, by the grace of God, the blender works just enough for me to get this stuff finished.  Then I realize that I forgot to add the spinach. Well, guess what? Spinach is going to just have to be layered on this girl's lasagna. I prepare the lasagna, or at least that's what it's called. It sure doesn't look like any lasagna I've ever made or eaten before. I put it in the oven, set it for 30 minutes and retreat to my favorite chair in Hubs' office to feed Nami her dinner, which is probably going to be better than what I'm about to serve me and my love.

Then the tears just roll. My mom has pneumonia and is four hours away. Don't worry, she's doing ok. If she wasn't, I'd be there. But the point is that I'm feeling guilty and sad because she's sick and I'm not there. I constantly miss my dad - it's like breathing- I just don't know how to stop. When I am down and defeated, I miss him even more than usual and start beating myself up. Then I start questioning if any of this "food nonsense" is worth it. What am I doing? I'm not cut out for this. I love food.  This isn't food. I miss food. I lost my Prowler. I lost my dad. My mom is sick. Now I don't even have the joy of food or cooking anymore. Why am I doing this to myself?

Then the timer to the oven goes off. No rest for the weary.
I wonder if the lasagna is done. I have no idea because I don't know what it's supposed to look like. Usually, there's tons of cheese bubbling and that's a tell-tale sign. This time there's only vegan parmesan cheese, which I made out of cashews and garlic, on top. I leave it in for 10 more minutes. What can it hurt at this point?

Right now, it would be great to pour a glass of wine - to take the edge off. Oh yeah, I gave that up for 30 days. What the hell was I thinking? I left myself no vice at all.

Well, the lasagna is cooked and it literally flops off of the spatula and onto our plates. It really doesn't have much form to it but it's done. It's also edible and it's not disgusting. It's not delicious by any means but it's not gross. The butternut squash navy bean mush has the consistency of what a ricotta cheese mixture would but it doesn't have any taste. The only taste that we get is that of the spicy marinara. I then think, what if I just used crushed tomatoes? This would be an absolutely tasteless dish. I take a deep breath, I eat my piece, and I go back for another slice because there's nothing else to eat and I'm hungry. It's not terrible. There's just nothing yummy about it. I want yummy.

Welcome to a typical night in my WFPB life! Hubs deserves a medal. It's frustrating. It's complicated. It's the unknown. I honestly can't understand how anyone can enjoy this type of food. Do they not have taste buds? Did they lose their taste buds because they have been eating this way for so long? I fear that will happen to me... that I'll adjust. As horrible as it may sound, I don't want to adjust. I don't want to enjoy food that doesn't have any flavor. I know, I haven't even been through two full weeks yet. Give it time. I'm trying. I really am.

I'm discouraged. I'm like a hamster on a wheel. Round and round. Doing the same thing over and over day after day and getting nowhere, it seems. Then this morning, I get a message from my NP at the Wellness Center. Not all of my blood work is back but some results are in and they boosted my mood sky high! The two levels that were too high and outside of the normal range have decreased substantially and my levels are in the normal range now! THIS is exactly why I decided to self impose this challenge on myself. As my NP said, "You may not be loving this way of eating, but it's working!"

Hallelujah!

Like it or not, I can't deny the results.

Maybe it's worth it after all!

Knowing those test results have at least given me the push I need to see this challenge through to the end!



I don't bake

It's 9:30 p.m. and I'm still in the kitchen.

I haven't left since we ate dinner around 7:30 p.m.

I decided I needed something to snack on and Hubs needed a treat.

First of all, I don't bake. I hate baking. Always have.

When I do, it never turns out well and I get irritated before I'm done.

So, I just don't bake.

But I found this recipe on the Minimalist Baker website and it sounded super delicious. Plus, I've been going at this challenge for over a week now and I need to reward myself somehow. Of course, a juicy burger or a big fat cheesy sausage and pepperoni pizza would be preferable but..... nope.

Sea Salt and Dark Chocolate Granola is the prize!

I climb up into our pantry and go shopping on the plant-based shelf.  I feel like a kid in HomeEc. Do they even teach HomeEc in schools anymore? I get all I need and thank God we have a good-sized island in the kitchen to hold all this nonsense.

With the directions printed out next to me (yes, I'm old school), I start up.

I pulse rolled oats, walnuts, almonds, coconut, chia seeds, cocoa powder, sea salt, and refined sugar in the food processor a few times and then dump the mixture into a glass mixing bowl.  This mixing bowl hasn't seen action since I baked that cake at Easter all those years ago because I had an awesome bunny-shaped pan to use.

I melt coconut oil and pure maple syrup in a saucepan until it's blended and then pour it over the mixing bowl mixture. So far so good. I got this.I'm listening to "The Voice" on the tv in the living room and feel like Kelly Clarkson when she gets excited because that girl hit that note that shouldn't be humanly possible. I'm making freakin' granola and haven't wanted to shoot myself yet! Oh yeah!

I spread the mixture onto a large baking sheet, shove it in a 340 degree oven and let it work its magic for about 24 minutes, after flipping halfway.  Then I see that once it's cooled, it's optional to mix in some dairy, soy and nut-free vegan dark chocolate chips.

Ok, dairy, soy and nut-free vegan dark chocolate chips? I'm a chocolate fan, ya'll. I only buy the quality stuff. So this is all new to me and I have no idea what this so-called "chocolate" is going to taste like. So far on this journey, everything else that says it's "vegan cheese" or "vegan taco meat" has just been an imposter. Don't make me think that just because it's called taco meat or cheese and looks like taco meat and cheese that it's going to then taste like taco meat and cheese because it doesn't... AT ALL! So, I'm quite leery of using this vegan chocolate.
Before I use any of these chocolate chips, I open the bag to test them out. It looks like regular dark chocolate chips. I pop one in my mouth and almost scream. It tastes like a dark chocolate chip! I run over to Hubs who's relaxing on the sofa and say, "Here, try this!" and shove a handful of chips in his mouth. I needed to make sure I hadn't lost my mind. Nope. He agreed. Well, son of a........vegan!! I will gladly sprinkle some optional chocolate chips all over the top of the granola!

The granola is absolutely delicious and it took everything out of both of us not to eat the entire tray! It now lives in a bucket on our kitchen counter and I sparingly will grab a handful once a day. I might have taken a small ziplock of it to work with me too - for those middle of the day emergencies.

That didn't take as long as I thought it would and I was actually successful so I figure why not try my luck at more baking. Who am I? It's about 10pm now and we're usually forcing ourselves to stay awake to take the dogs out one last time before bed at 10pm and here I am gearing up to bake something else!

Hubs loves chocolate chip cookies. Ok, I love them too.

I had already made a mess of the kitchen so why not add some flour to the disaster area?

I went back to my pantry and pulled out all the ingredients I would need for this baking adventure. (Thanks to the Oh She Glows website for the recipe).

Oats, Oat flour, almond flour, arrowroot flour/starch

Geez, really?

Coconut oil, pure maple syrup, almond butter, pure vanilla extract

Ok, what else?

Pink Himalyan salt and baking powder. No, soda. Baking soda. Shoot. I always get those mixed up.

Ok, I got it all. I think.

Parchment paper. I forgot the parchment paper. Back to the pantry, I go.

Ok, I wash my good ole mixing bowl and the directions say to mix all the wet ingredients first.

Wet? Ok. I wouldn't have said almond butter was wet. But ok, it's not dry. I get it.

I told you baking isn't my thing, right?

Then stir the dry ingredients into the mixture, one by one.

I know I'm going to forget something.

Chop the chocolate into chunks. Huh?

Chop the chocolate chips? No, that can't be right.

Oh, they wanted me to get a chocolate bar.

Uh no. These chips will do just fine, thank you.

So I throw those chips into the batter and mix it all up.

It's a sloppy mess at this point and so is my kitchen. Well, truth be told, so am I.

You can't give me three types of flour and maple syrup and expect it not to get messy.

Christina Tozzi would not be happy right now but, let's face it, she needs to lighten up anyway.

Now comes the fun part. This recipe makes 12 jumbo cookies so while I try to use a spoon to measure out the exact amount at first, that doesn't last long. After the first one, I'm all in with both hands making these mounds. After I get the first row of three placed on the parchment paper-lined cookie sheet, I see that the mounds are starting to flatten out. Thankfully, the recipe tells me this may happen - it's because of the almond butter. Here I am thinking, "The girl who doesn't bake is at it again trying to be something she's not and screwing things up." Four rows of three (or is it three rows of four?) slowly flattening mounds of cookie batter are now ready to go into the oven and this girl is hopeful!

After about 10 minutes, I check them and, while they have all started to become Siamese twins with their pan partners, they seem to be done!

The toughest part? Waiting.

They have to hang out on the pan for five to six minutes because they are super delicate.

Who doesn't love fresh, hot, right out-of-the-oven cookies?  Kind of like doughnuts at Krispy Kreme when the light is on. You just HAVE to go get one (or a dozen).

But I made it this far without a mistake, so I need to give it the time it needs to perfect itself.

As I gently use a spatula to move them to a cooling rack for 10 minutes, so they will be able to firm up more, I am starting to feel myself turning blue and wanting to just devour the entire freakin' tray!

But, I wait (where is all this patience coming from lately?) and I'm so glad I did because it was so worth it! They are absolutely delicious. They may not be formed like normal cookies. They may not break apart like normal cookies. But who cares? They TASTE like normal cookies! No, they taste like delicious cookies!

How is this possible? Why would anyone eat store-bought cookies like Chips Ahoy (bleh) or even the ones that you buy in the refrigerated section and break apart and bake? Knowing all the crap that you are consuming, wouldn't you rather make them at home with this recipe out of all natural plant-based goodness? They taste the same! They are soft with gooey chocolate in the middle and a firmness on the edges. If you wanted to make them crispy, keeping them in the oven a little longer would easily make that happen.

I truly am amazed.

First, that these cookies are downright yummy!

Second, that I am the one who baked them from scratch and they still turned out that yummy!

For the first time, during this challenge, I actually have made something that is really enjoyable and that's probably because it tastes like something I'm used to and love. It figures that it's a dessert, of all things! 

Obviously, this is my grandmother's spirit - the sweet tooth matriarch of my life - making this happen. There's just no other explanation because..... I don't bake!

Reflections on Day 10

It seems in life when we make drastic changes it's when something happens that nudges us or, in some instances, even pushes us over the edge. We often need reality to slap us in the face in order to make a change. Hopefully, it's not too late by the time that revelation occurs. I've had a few nudges over the last two-three years but evidently not enough to take any severe steps. I cut down portion sizes. I tried to cut out desserts (which is difficult when my mom is visiting). I started juicing in the morning. I consciously drank more water. I even stopped drinking beer for a month (who knew that would even be a problem - I'm a wine girl). It wasn't until this past March, when I had my mandatory biometrics screening done for work, that I finally got my push over the edge.

I'm very big into natural healing. I do not like taking medicine. I have always felt that food can heal and that IF my health ever warranted help, that I would always go the food route first. I preached this to my father and almost begged him to change his diet instead of going on chemo when that was the only option left for treating his prostate cancer, but he wouldn't budge. That was his choice. Now, it's MY choice to make. No time to be a hypocrite now, girl!

I am an "all or nothing" kind of person. Once I have decided that I want to commit to something then I am all in - 100 percent. If I don't do it in that way, then I know that I won't have the will power to see it through. I know that I will cave under pressure or under stress. I knew that transitioning into this lifestyle would not be beneficial. I needed to jump in and hit the ground running. I also knew that it wouldn't be easy but if after these 30 days I felt better and saw positive results, then the struggle would be worth every single second. If I don't see the results I need and nothing really changes, then at least I did every possible thing I could and I did it the right way.  I won't have to wonder.

Almost three weeks after my biometrics screening, I had extensive bloodwork done this morning. If nothing else, this will serve as a baseline but hopefully will show some trending downward after 10 days of strict WFPB (whole food plant based) eating. I'll find out in about two weeks. What I found out this morning though is that I have lost five pounds and THAT is definitely a motivating factor to keep pushing me forward in this challenge. It is obviously working. The NP asked me how I was feeling and as I told her that I was really tired all the time I instantly remembered that I have been in the kitchen cooking/baking the last two nights until almost 11pm.  Wait a minute. Maybe, I AM getting more energy and didn't even realize it. Usually I wouldn't even want to get up off the sofa after dinner each night except to go downstairs to go to bed by 10pm. I'm not staying in the kitchen this late because I have to. I'm doing it because I want to.  Maybe things ARE improving after all....

When I commit to something, I almost become obsessed. I'm a sponge and just search and search for information and resources to gain more knowledge. I listen to others and their journeys. Some I commiserate with; some I do not.  So many of my friends can't believe I'm doing this and say things such as, "I couldn't do it." or "No way I could give up meat" or "Wow, I don't know how you're doing this" or "You can't have cheese or ice cream? No way!"

I don't know how I'm doing it either and most days I don't want to do it anymore but I have to. It was kind of like that marriage when I knew it was over. I wanted to just call it quits and send him off to rot in that bitter hell where he belonged but I couldn't. Well, not without trying first.  I had to know that I did all I possibly could. I had to see if there was any chance that I could make it work because if I didn't I'd always wonder. I don't like living with regrets and when I actually have a choice then I'm going to make the best one for me. We don't always have choices in life so I need to embrace them when I can.

It's the same way with this WFPB eating lifestyle. I know this way of eating works. It even makes sense. I have seen it work for others. I just need to find out if it works for me. I have to try. It may work and completely change my life. But then again, it may not. Regardless, I have to try because if I don't I'll never know and not knowing is something I just can't accept.

Day 7 - How do I feel after a week?

How do you feel after a week of plant-based eating, someone asked me.

Honestly? Pretty depressed.

I have no energy. I don't feel any different physically and I am craving food.

Am I eating enough? Yep. Am I eating the right things? Yep.

But this is all new to me. I can cook just about anything and I can figure out the spices that I need to use in order to enhance that particular food. But this type of eating is completely new to me; completely foreign. And if I'm being honest, I don't enjoy it. I enjoy cooking but I don't enjoy any of this the last seven days. Food excites me. This type of eating does not.

I made 15-minute avocado and basil pasta the other day. I love avocado. I love fresh basil. Add garlic and some fresh squeezed lemon and pulse it all in a blender and there ya have it! Instead of pasta, made zoodles (spiralized zucchini into noodles) and mixed in the creamy sauce.

It wasn't disgusting. In fact, it was pretty good but it was lacking. What was it lacking? Substance. Shrimp, scallops or even grilled chicken with freshly shaven parmesan cheese on top. It's not that it was bad; it just wasn't delicious and I like delicious food. I make delicious food.

I made French Green lentil salad the other day with fresh parsley, tomatoes, celery, shallots and a homemade Dijon mustard, garlic, red wine vinegar and Herbs de Provence dressing. It looks like tabbouleh and I love tabbouleh but it didn't taste like tabbouleh. In fact, it didn't taste like much of anything at all.

I threw together sautéed Portobello mushrooms and onions in garlic, added black beans, wilted baby spinach and fresh made salsa on top with crushed red pepper for lunch one day. It was ok. I ate it. But I've never been one to just EAT food. I ENJOY food. I haven't once found a dish these last seven days that I have made that I have actually enjoyed and said, "Wow! I could eat a ton of this stuff!!!"

Last week was eye opening, frustrating and demoralizing.  I never thought this was going to be easy but it's so time consuming too. It's not like we have a plethora of options in which to grocery shop in the Outer Banks - Walmart, Food Lion, Harris Teeter and a new Publix. I love Fresh Market but it is really only for my specialty items. I have to go to three different stores in one day and still can't get everything I need. I miss Wegmans so much I could scream.

So tonight, Hubs and I went to our favorite place to eat on the Outer Banks - The Salt Box. It's really the only "safe" place for me to go during this challenge because Chef Amanda "gets me". She always has a vegan dish on the menu and the menu often changes from week to week. I saw the menu on the restaurant's Facebook page and the vegan dish sounded interesting. Of course, so did the prawns and pork belly and I was drooling just thinking about that dish. Sigh. Hubs would get that delicious dish and I'd at least get to smell it and maybe even lick it. Oh hell yeah, I was gonna lick it.

Off to Salt Box we go, in the pouring rain, and I'm hopeful. If it were anywhere else, I wouldn't be but Chef Amanda is a food genius. I have chosen vegan dishes off the menu before simply because of the flavor. I went to the Salt Box vegan wine dinner a few months ago and enjoyed every single dish. I don't know if I'd choose vegan dishes every time but I still enjoyed it and was blown away by the creativity.

We sit down and look at the menu and what appears? Something that wasn't listed on the Facebook menu. Lump crab and bacon tortellini with smoked gouda cream sauce. Seriously? You've got to be kidding me. Could you throw anymore of my favorite things together into one dish when I can't have them? I almost burst into tears. On any normal night, I would have gotten that dish and Hubs would have gotten the prawns and pork belly dish and we would have shared and had the best of both worlds. If there ever was a time that I would cheat, this should have been it, but I didn't. I was really fighting myself internally though. Chef Amanda had informed her sister, April, who also works there and was our server, that I was "going vegan" so there was no way that I'd be able to change my mind now. That was probably a blessing.

Even though this shot is blurry, it's still beautiful and I can still smell it. It's probably out of focus because I was shaking for lack of delicious food in my life the last seven days. I did take a tiny piece of crab and a tortellini. It was heavenly. Personally, I would have liked more crab.

Come on, I was trying to find SOMETHING wrong it.....

My Thai green curry noodle bowl came out and I was in awe of its presence. Incredibly beautiful.

A dish with strategically placed glass noodles, peanuts, chickpeas, pickled avocado, sweetie drops (a Peruvian pepper in the shape of a teardrop) and just the right combination of spices.

 The curry sauce was absolutely divine.

As I've said before, if all vegan food tasted like Chef Amanda's, I'd turn vegan instantly.

Now, with that in mind, I'm not vegan. I'm doing whole food, plant based. Closest thing to get to at a restaurant with this is a vegan dish. Also, I did ask if there was any oil in this dish and Amanda said MAYBE a tablespoon in the entire pot of curry so basically I may have had what amounts to a spritz of oil in my bowl. Seriously, if anyone wants to fight me over this, have at it. I could have caved and gotten anything else on this menu - including the ribeye - but I didn't. So cut me some slack.

Earlier, I mentioned to Hubs that I was going to just go jump in the ocean.

For those who don't know, I can't swim.

Yeah, I wasn't in a good place.

While Hubs had the coconut cream pie for dessert, I was super excited about my vegan chocolate avocado pudding.

Incredibly thick and luscious in a champagne glass with crushed up nuts on top, I sighed with every slow mouthful. I've only had vegan desserts that Chef Amanda has made and I have been in awe at each one. The chocolate and avocado torte was the first one Hubs and I shared a few months ago and I still have dreams about that one.

This is the happiest I've been in the last week. Chef Amanda gives me hope. I figure if I go to Salt Box for dinner each night for the next 23 days, I can definitely power through breakfast and lunch on my own. If only it were that easy.

One bit of confidence though was Chef Amanda agreeing that changing my eating habits into this lifestyle is definitely not easy and no doubt time consuming. She gave me some helpful advice and tips and I also am going to try to recreate her green curry noodle bowl on my own soon. It obviously won't taste like hers but at least I know the ingredients and where to start.

How do I feel after a week of whole food, plant-based eating?

Better now that I had dinner at my favorite little café in Colington.

Yeah, let's just leave it at that for now.