I grew up as a little girl thinking that there was, but as time has passed, and I have lived what is probably half of my life, I often wonder.
I come from a long line of love. Both sets of grandparents would still be married if one of the pair had not passed away. My parents have been married for over 40 years. Happily married, that is. They still hold hands and still gaze into each other's eyes. They are still very much in love with each other, if not more so since they met and married. That is the kind of love that I grew up expecting and wanting. I'm still wanting, but no longer expecting.
I waited until I was 30 years old to get married. Most of my friends were already married; some to their high school sweethearts. I waited and didn't jump the gun. Thinking that I was 30 and had all kinds of life experiences behind me, I knew that this was the right thing to do and that he was the '"right" one for me. (I won't bore you with the reasons but believe me they were all 100% valid and put through a rigorous analyzation process.) I always say that I don't regret getting married but I would have regretted STAYING married.
By the time I was 35, I was divorced and proclaimed that 35 was the new 21. Did I really feel that way? Not exactly. But I had to do what I could to make myself believe it and move on. My marriage wasn't perfect and although he decided he wanted a girlfriend along with a wife and that was a deal breaker, the marriage had other problems too. It wasn't easy. It was damn hard and I was heartbroken. No one gets divorced in my family. I felt ashamed and as if I had let my parents and my grandmother down. But I knew staying married to someone I couldn't trust or believe in anymore, just wasn't an option.
Now, almost seven years after my divorce, I am better and stronger than ever but it took a very long time for me to get to this point. I give a lot of credit to one specific person that came into my life, by the grace of God, not long after my separation. I would never have imagined being with this man (or any man at that stage of my life) and perhaps that was the greatest gift of all. He and I were complete opposites and we fell completely in love. I trusted him more than anyone, including my husband and my marriage, which says a lot in itself.
It was then that I realized that perhaps there wasn't one "right" person for everyone. But perhaps there was one right person for different stages in our lives. I believe that people come in and out of your life for a reason. We may not understand that at the time but eventually the truth will reveal itself. After my separation and impending divorce, that relationship I entered into lasted for about four years. When that relationship ended, it devastated me more than the ending of my marriage. In fact, there are still moments when I feel lost, alone and often just downright sad. They are just moments though; they don't last long or overcome me. However, I felt no anger or regret at the relationship ending; just sadness because it didn't work. There was no one to blame. We will always love each other and share a special bond because of the good that we did for each other; how we made each other better - individually and as a couple.
I am eternally grateful for those four years and, most importantly, for the moment that he came into my life and literally saved me. Being with him allowed me to be "me" again - the strong, independent, fun-loving person I was before I got married. When I got married, I changed. I lost "me" and became "us". I have learned there needs to be a fine balance between those two. You can still be yourself and be part of "us". But if you're not happy being you, you surely can't be happy being "us". I'm not jaded anymore about marriage like I was when I first got divorced although I may act like it because it's just so easy to do and quite entertaining for most people.
I still very much believe in true love and the sanctity of marriage. I also believe that there isn't just one person for each of us. There IS one person for each stage in our life, though. The stages may last a short time or they may last for months or even years. But when we have overcome whatever we need to overcome and that person has served its purpose in our life, it is time for them to leave, or in some instances, for us to let them go. We are now strong enough, have learned and no longer need them. They may still be a part of our life but in a different capacity...... or they may not be a part of our life at all any longer. That doesn't mean that our love didn't exist. That doesn't mean that these relationships aren't real and powerful because they are and some are stronger than we could ever possibly imagine or anticipate. Some are unexpected even. But we will live and learn from each one of them. It will hurt when it ends, no matter what the form, but eventually we will realize the purpose it served and be better as a result.
I have experienced this many times since my divorce; not just with the immediate four-year relationship. I had a relationship which came out of nowhere, was extremely powerful and ended after eight months. However, in those eight months, I felt a love and connection like I never had before. He was there for me when no one else was in ways that no one else was. Was I sad that it ended? Of course, because I'm always hopeful that a new relationship will work out. But I was the one who ended the relationship and while it was difficult, I know it was the right thing for me to do. Hence, I am strong enough to be alone and on my own now. I couldn't say that for the majority of my life. It doesn't mean I don't have days that I spend in a deep, downward spiral but I believe in myself and I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that I am strong enough to defend myself, protect myself, not settle for anyone and yet still leave myself open for love. I depend on no one but myself and my God.
It is so important to live each day as it is given to us because we never know when it will be the last - ours or those who are in our lives. I believe in living with no regrets. That doesn't mean that I am nonchalant, hurt feelings or constantly throw caution to the wind without considering the repercussions, but it means that I do my best to embrace each day..... each moment... and each individual..... who comes into my life.
Is there one "right" person for everyone? I think that in a different time, in a different era, that could be true, but unfortunately I didn't grow up in that time. I think society has changed a lot of us and experiences have jaded us. I don't believe there is one "right" person for everyone but I do believe in "real" love. I think that if you believe in yourself and believe that anything is possible, then you will find "real" love.
In fact, you may even find it more than once, if you're lucky.
I consider myself very lucky.
-Darion Bentley
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