On April 8, 2013, we laid my best friend to rest. Today, on the one year anniversary of her travels to heaven, I am sharing what I wrote and read at her funeral. Not a day goes by that I do not miss her. My heart will never be the same because of the unending, unconditional love she gave to me my entire life. Unconditional love -what we all long for and only some of us can actually say we have received. I am one of the lucky ones. Simple as that.
“Remembering
Grandmother”
8/30/23
to 4/3/13
Since I was very young whenever someone would find
out that I was an only child they immediately assumed I was “spoiled” and even
now as an adult, I still get jokes about how I must be spoiled. I have always been aware of that fact and have
vehemently denied it. It wasn’t until
recently that I realized, and have proudly accepted, that I was in fact,
spoiled. Not spoiled in the way society would
typically define it but spoiled by my grandmother - by the unconditional and
unending love that she provided to me. I
never wanted for anything when it came to her – and most important of all, she
gave generously of her time and her love.
By the same token, I can honestly say that if she were standing here
speaking right now about me, she could easily say the same thing.
Everyone knows since the day I was born, and each
day that followed, that I was her pride and joy. What some people may not realize is that she
was also mine. Many have heard me say that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for
her and I began to live by that premise even more as we both got older. When my grandfather passed in 1984 and I was
11 years old, I promised him, I promised Grandmother, and I promised myself
that I would do everything in my power to make sure she was happy and protected
the rest of her days. I’d like to think
that I upheld that promise and never let her down.
I found this quote by Robert Heinlein the other day
and it fits my love for her perfectly: "Love
is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your
own." It always made me happy and at peace when I knew that she was happy.
And if she wasn’t happy, I wasn’t either.
As generous and loving as my grandmother was, she
was also extremely determined. As she got older she became even more
determined which could be quite frustrating to us, especially to my parents.
However, she would do pretty much anything for me and we all knew that. This came in handy when she had health issues
or was having a down kind of day. I
would always find a way to get her to do things she didn’t want to do but that she
needed to do. When something was wrong
and she wouldn’t explain properly to my mom, I would get her to talk to me and
we’d always seem to get to the bottom of what was happening. It wasn’t always easy but I guess you can say
that I get my stubbornness or my DETERMINATION from my grandmother. Once she had her mind made up there wasn’t
much anyone could do to change it but I sure tried and I often succeeded. Even if it was just a small bit of success, it
was still success and she and I were both better for it.
When she was in the hospital these last three weeks
I often said, “That’s my heart laying there in that bed.” No truer words have I spoken. A part of my heart left with her and a part of
me will never be the same again because she is no longer physically here with
me. However, as I told her, she will
ALWAYS be with me, just in a different form now.
The night before she died I told her that I would
miss her so very much but that I was also incredibly EXCITED for her and a tad
bit jealous because she would soon be able to see all the friends and family
that have gone before her again, and most importantly, she would be reunited
and dancing cheek to cheek again with my granddad – the love of her life.
Many my age never knew their grandparents or, if
they did, only saw them on holidays and often dreaded it. But not me. I loved spending time with my grandparents. I have such happy memories of being at the Old
Dominion Boat Club and going to Colonial Beach every weekend in the summer, every
birthday, every school event. For four
years I lived in Alexandria and was fortunate enough to spend quality time with
my grandmother – going out to lunch or dinner, taking her to church, going to
country music concerts, just spending quiet time with her. We didn’t have to do anything special or
planned really – we just did whatever it was TOGETHER and that’s what made it
special. Just thinking about that
incredible laugh of hers that could be heard for miles with such vigor will
always make me smile. She’s only been to
my house a couple of times because the steps were just too much for her to
bear. However, last year, although it
physically wore her out, she came to my house to celebrate her birthday and I
also hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the first time with her dining room set
from 1946 and what a treasure that was for both of us. For the past 39 years she never missed a
single important moment in my life. She
was always there when I needed her and even there when I didn’t realize at the
time that I DID need her.
I have so many fantastic memories and I am thankful
that we had the special bond that we did. We had almost 40 years together which
seems extremely long to most people but to me, even 40 years could never be
enough.
My grandmother wasn’t just a family member to me.
She was my friend. One of my BEST friends. My confidante. My partner in crime.
My biggest fan. My heart!
No more struggling, no more pain, no more canes or
walkers. No more exhaustion. Her
hearing, eyesight and speech have been restored. No more heart troubles. No more nightmares. No more depression. My ladybug is smiling and flying free and for THAT
reason alone my heart cannot stay sad for long.
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