Complicated

I haven't had a taste for wine lately. What? Did I really just say that? What's wrong with me? This can't be right. I mean I still peruse the local wine shop and the aisles in the grocery store and I even pick up a bottle or three. But I'm not really eager to drink them. It's strange to even write those words but I'm just not excited about wine right now. It's not like beer or other spirits have taken wine's place. I'm not drinking those either. I'm finding that I'm drinking a lot of water, kombucha (which hubs brews at home) and sometimes green tea.  In fact, I hadn't had a glass of wine in almost a month until the vegan wine dinner a few weeks ago. Since then, I've only had a glass or two once or twice. No, I'm not sick. I guess my taste buds and body are just wanting a break.  It's complicated.


I do enjoy having a glass of wine when I'm cooking. In fact, I almost crave a glass of wine when I'm cooking and then after I drink it, I don't know what all the hype was about. That almost happened last night. It's complicated.


Sunday is usually my grocery shopping and meal prep day for the week. I plan what our meals will be and cook what I can ahead of time while I'm home from work. It's much easier than coming home after a long day, enduring a half hour commute, walking the rambunctious puppy and then slaving away in the kitchen to make a meal from scratch and still have time to eat it, digest it and be in bed by 10.  Yeah, Sundays are a free day for me and I chose to waste it away by meal prepping most of the day. May not make sense. It's complicated.


Last night, as I was adding the broccoli to the slow cooker of beef that had been becoming delicious all afternoon, I pulled the Mexican lasagna, I made and baked on Sunday for dinner, out of the fridge.  It had to warm up for about 20 minutes and I decided I wanted a light red wine to pair with dinner. Why not? It's been a while. I knew it had to be red. I knew it had to be light. But I didn't know if I had that particular combination at home. I wanted a Pinot Noir from Oregon and just about cried when I realized I didn't have one. Well, maybe a Chard would be ok because I really hadn't had one in a while and it could be refreshing. But that wouldn't work with the lasagna and it would take too long to chill anyway. Maybe I'll just drink a beer. But beer makes me feel so bloated and God knows I don't need to feel any fatter than I already do right now. Maybe I'll pour a little whiskey. No, that is more of a sipping thing to enjoy after dinner. Sigh. Why does it have to be so complicated?


Then it hit me.
Complicated.
Yes! Complicated!
How fitting!
Complicated!

Taken Wine Co. was founded in 2009 when Carlos Trinchero had a simple philosophy - to craft great wines to share with friends. Nothing complicated about that idea. The three wines he created all tie into social media and are relevant to his generation. Now, social media...... That's complicated. Trinchero's wines are named, Taken, Available and you guessed it... Complicated.

I just happened to have a bottle of Complicated on the shelf. I had tried it many years ago at my happy place in Virginia but hadn't seen it at the stores in quite a while. I happened upon it last weekend. Once again, a sign from above. Couldn't get much easier than this - when everything else is complicated, choose Complicated - a Grenache, Syrah and Carignane blend from the Central Coast of California.


I pop the cork.
I pour a glass.
I swirl.
Jammy.  Plums, raspberries
Definitely plums
Plums rolled in a hint of spice - nutmeg, maybe cinnamon
I instantly saw my grandfather, Carlton, and his homemade ginger snap cookies.
I haven't had a gingersnap cookie like his since he died in 1984.
In fact, I tried to make them once and I couldn't replicate them to save my life.
I even had his recipe.
I loved those things. I could instantly see them, smell them and taste them after one whiff of this wine.
At first sip, there was definite fruit - mostly cherry - with a bit of a tanginess at the end.
I'm tad bit concerned.
I had this wine before and really enjoyed it. Now it tastes like cherry and I do not like cherry one bit.
But that was years ago.
I was also in an interesting relationship at the time.
Well, maybe it was a relationship.
Honestly, it was complicated.
This wine needs to open. It needs to breathe.
I leave it alone for about 45 minutes and try it again.
The aroma has mellowed. There's a hint of flowers now - violets come to mind.
The taste mellowed too.
The tart aftertaste is gone.
Very light
Reminiscent of a Pinot Noir......
with a fire lit under it.
I decided to slice a few pieces of one of my favorite seasonal cheeses.
Kerrygold Aged Cheddar Cheese with Irish Whiskey
I've only been able to find it at Wegmans and only around the month of March.
If you haven't tried it and you love sharp cheddars, do it! You won't regret it.
It's woodsy. It's smooth. It's nutty. It's sharp. It's just damn yummy.
The wine even mellowed out the whiskey cheese and nothing mellows the whiskey cheese.
Again, nothing is making sense.
It's complicated.
I didn't expect the Mexican Lasagna I made to pair well with the wine.
That's not why I opened it.
But of course, me being me, I had to try it just to see.
Holy salsa, Batman!!
Hot! Hot! Hot!
The wine brought the spice out in the lasagna.
I mean really brought it out.
I look at my plate.
I look at my wine.
How can this be? I never would imagine that would have occurred.
But of course, why should it surprise me?
After all.....
It's complicated.

“There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom,

others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you

beat your head against the wall.”
― Colette, Oeuvres complètes en seize volumes

Sacral Chakra Wine

It's February 24.
It was 73 degrees in Kitty Hawk, NC today.
It's close to 6pm as I write and it's now 69 degrees.
The windows are open, I'm in the kitchen preparing side dishes to go along with the pork that Hubs has been smoking all day, and as I look to the right, I see the ocean calmly existing.
I smile.
A real smile. A genuine, deep-breath-kind-of smile.

This morning, I had my first experience with chakra balancing. You may not know what chakras are and may be thinking, oh here she goes again with this weird nature, spiritual stuff. I have been very aware of chakras and their purpose for a few years now but never had mine balanced. I didn't even know I needed them balanced. Well, I knew one needed balanced - the sacral chakra - the seat of emotions, the sense of taste, to live as your authentic self without fear, to be non-judgmental about your desires.

Let me explain a little bit so that you will understand.

We all have chakras. The seven chakras are energy centers in our body. Blockages in any of the chakras can cause health problems - physical and mental. Each chakra has a specific location up the middle of our body and a purpose; where specific types of energy flow.

Root Chakra - represents feeling of being grounded - survival issues

Sacral Chakra -  connection and ability to accept others and new experiences - well-being, pleasure, sexuality, emotions

Solar Plexus -  ability to be confident and in control of our lives - self worth, self-esteem, self-confidence

Heart Chakra - ability to love and inner peace; also where we hold grief

Throat Chakra - ability to communicate - self-expression of feelings and truth

Third Eye Chakra - intuition, wisdom and ability to think and make decisions

Crown Chakra-  - connection to spirituality and pure bliss, inner and outer beauty

A tremendous amount has "happened" in my life over the last five years but definitely over the last two years - whether it be good or bad. Physical, emotional, location changes, family, finances. Too many to truly name.

This morning, I had my chakras balanced and I cannot begin to even explain the extent of such an eye-opening, validating and transforming experience!

It began with oracle cards. 

What is an oracle exactly?

Sure, I've heard the word, I get it. I know how to spell it. But what does it actually mean?

Check out the definition and really think about what you're reading:

"a priest or priestess acting as a medium through whom advice or prophecy was sought from the gods in classical antiquity;
a place at which divine advice or prophecy was sought;

a person or thing regarded as an infallible authority or guide on something"

The oracle cards pulled were a depiction of my life, of my emotional state, of my innermost thoughts, internal battles and contemplations. Things I have never vocalized yet fit me to absolute perfection. A slap-in-my-face confirmation of what is happening and what needs to happen.



It was an extremely personal experience and as a result, I will not go into detail but some of my energy centers were blocked completely, some were clogged and some were wide the you know what open. We were able to unblock most of them but two remain closed and I have much work to do! The explanations all made perfect sense.
Afterwards, I felt such clarity. I felt a relief - physical in some aspects and emotional in others - and I made a stop at the beach to thank the Lord above, to meditate and to talk to my dad. I know that my dad is with me - he has made it clear - yet when I'm at the ocean, I feel closer to him. Our love of water, especially the ocean, was always a strong connection for us and it continues to be.

As I'm standing here in my kitchen, reflecting on my life, I'm embracing love. I'm embracing my senses. I'm embracing all that has happened in my life and I am embracing the fact that all of these moments have happened for a reason. It's all part of the plan for me. The path will never change. I can only control myself and my actions. I can't control anyone else and I need to let it go and accept whatever happens and embrace it.



This warm, February evening is something easily embraced. I feel transformed but not completely. Yet, I am grateful for the transformation that has occurred. I am aware of what I need to do; it's a matter of doing it. It's time to break away from past behaviors because they aren't working; in fact they are becoming hurtful; detrimental to my being. It's time to take a deep breath and try something new. It's time to step out of my comfort zone so I can be "me" again. It's time to just be.

How ironic, that on this same day, I come across this wine without even really looking. 

Ironic? I think not.

Yalumba Winery Y Series Shiraz Viognier

I had never seen Yalumba in the store before.

I just did the Vegan Wine Dinner the other night and we had Yalumba wines.

My favorite wine that night was the Y Series Vioginer and I bought a bottle.

This is a Yalumba Y Series Shiraz Viognier blend.

Wait a minute.

What?

Shiraz is red.

Viognier is white.

Yalumba combined these two?

Just on sheer curiosity I would have to buy this wine.

My sacral chakra was completely blocked until about 30 minutes prior to finding this wine and yep, well, here's proof that energy center is wide open now.

Trying something new. Taking a chance.

Enjoy the pleasure provided in the moment in full awareness.

In the past, I would have laughed and thought, those crazy Aussies don't know what they are doing.

But not today.

I was instantly drawn to this wine.

I didn't think twice.

While Hubs is outside becoming "all zen" with the smoker, I decide to open the bottle and pour a glass.

At first whiff, I get a hint of black pepper.

A slight smokiness and flowers

Smoke lingering over a field of wild lilacs

Burning a bit on my nose but not in a negative way

Clove

I take a sip. 

Interesting.

Nothing like I thought it would taste. 

It is much sweeter than the smell.

Tangy at first but then quickly lingers into a mellow soft flower.

As I'm trying to figure this red wine out, Hubs walks in and I ask him to taste it and tell me what he tastes. He hates this game.

He always says, "It tastes like wine."

This time he takes a sip, makes a face and says, "It tastes like........"

"I don't like it," and he walks away with a scrunched up face.

I don't like it.

A new flavor profile. Noted.

I keep prepping side dishes.

I come back 10 minutes later.

The smoky smell is gone.

The wine tastes like cherries. All cherries and no other flavors.

Reminds me of a throat lozenge and I'm not happy.

I don't like cherry.

I come back 10 minutes later.

The cherry has toned down quite a bit.

A tad hint of chocolate or cocoa is on the finish now.

I decide to try a piece of cheese with the wine.

I love cheese.

Cheese and wine are often quite powerful together.

This time, the cheese mellowed out the wine quite substantially.

There's a slight tanginess and then it's quite smooth.

This wine is getting better.

Patience.

Yep, patience.

I was just reminded of that this morning.

It's working.

(Note to self: The sacral chakra is also where energy associated with the sense of taste resides.)

While Hubs has given up on this wine after one sip, I take a deep breath.

I can't give up on this wine.

I don't want to give up on this wine.

I'm going to be patient and see what happens.

After all, that's exactly what I was led to do this morning.......



Holy Cow, It's Vegan!

A few days ago, my dear friend and I attended a special wine dinner event which benefitted the Outer Banks SPCA. What better combination!! Wine and dogs. Seriously. Right up my alley.

As if that wasn't enough, this event was put on at one of my favorite restaurants, The Salt Box Café, owned and operated by two of the most down-to-earth, compassionate human beings I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. True food geniuses.

Hubs and I love the Salt Box. It's a tiny little place off the beaten path where your taste buds are awakened and taken on an adventure every time you take a bite.  The brunch is top notch, the lunches are like no other and the dinners set the bar so high that no one on my barrier island could ever come close to a match. We have been fortunate enough over the last two years to frequent the Salt Box quite often and are grateful to call this husband and wife team our friends.

I often tell Chefs Randolph and Amanda that I try food at their restaurant that I would never even contemplate trying anywhere else. Not only do I try it, but I am amazed each and every time because not only is the presentation strikingly beautiful, but the taste is pure magic. When I don't know what I want to eat, I often pick the most unique item on the menu or we ask Chef Randolph to surprise us.

Well, The Salt Box Cafe did it again. Without a second thought, I knew I needed to be at this wine dinner. I have gone to their wine dinners before and am always in awe. But this one was different. This one was all vegan.

Yep, vegan.

No meat. That doesn't bother me that much really.

No dairy. No cheese. That instantly makes me sad.

I am not a vegan but I joke with Chef Amanda that if anyone could turn me vegan it would be her. I have purposely chosen vegan dishes off of the Salt Box menu in the past as my meal selection and have been floored by the incredible flavor each time. So, to say I was excited and intrigued by attending a vegan wine dinner was an understatement.

 Oh yeah, and all of the dishes were paired with a vegan wine from the Yalumba Winery Y Series.

Yalumba Winery is in the southern part of Australia in the Barossa Valley wine region.

Course One: Roasted Beef Carpaccio

white bean avocado hummus/cumin/chili/lime

Beets. I hate beets.

I hate the texture. I hate the smell. I hate the taste.

When I see a beet, I instantly am reminded of my grandmother cooking them in a big pot on the stove at our summer cottage at Colonial Beach. They smelled up the whole place and it was wretched.

She and Dad loved them and we'd get fresh ones from Mr. Hicks who had a garden right behind us. Bleh.

When I saw beets and tomatoes on a plate with an avocado hummus, I instantly thought, why ruin the avocado and tomatoes with these evil things? To my surprise, this dish was simply mouth-watering delicious. The combination of the beet, tomato and avocado together was just divine.

This yumminess was paired with a Vermentino which upon first sniff reminded me of an Alsatian wine. That hint of petroleum on the nose does it every time. Very crisp and clean - reminiscent of a Sauvignon Blanc, actually, without the overbearing grapefruit disgustingness. (Yes, that's a word. Ok, maybe not, but it should be.)

The beet carpaccio toned down the Vermentino quite a bit.

Excellent pairing.

Course Two:  Korean BBQ Cauliflower

pickled nappa cabbage/spiced peanuts

I hate cauliflower.

I especially hate the texture and don't think that it has any taste at all.

(I'm seeing an early theme that I'm not sure I like here.) 

But, the beets surprised me so maybe the little white trees would as well.

I do use riced cauliflower in the place of rice in some dishes but again, overall it's just pretty bland.

One bite of this dish and .....WOW!

I could have eaten 100 more of these spicy little nuggets of love. In fact, I'd wager to say this was my favorite dish of the night. The pickled cabbage, the crunchy nuts with a little kick and the BBQ flavoring on the cauliflower.....pure deliciousness.

This dish was paired with a Riesling that honestly didn't have much aroma at all. However, it was just the right balance of dry and sweet and simply delightful with the course. If an orange and a lemon had a baby, it would be this wine. Very refreshing. I could seriously enjoy this on a 90-degree day while on a boat, loving the fact that I live at the beach.

As my wine partner-in-crime said, upon first sip of this wine, "That's my porch!"

Indeed.

Course Three: Miso Glazed Eggplant "Scallop"

ginger, soy and coconut risotto/charred shishito peppers

I love scallops. I sear them as a special treat and just melt away in the goodness.

This dish was pleasing to the eye and while I love scallops, I wasn't sure if I'd like "scallop".

Well, guess what? I did!

The eggplant wasn't mushy as it usually is after it's cooked. Perhaps when I cook eggplant, I don't do something right. I've had miso soup before and could actually taste a really nice hint of miso in this dish. The risotto was the star of the show and I could have shoveled a big ole bowl of it down!

This dish was paired with a Sauvignon Blanc and I am happy to say it did not smell or taste like a typical Sav Blanc. No grapefruit overload!! Yay! It had an aroma of fresh cut limes and, upon first sip, I instantly wanted a lemon cookie. After taking a bite of "scallop", the wine lingered with a flowery aftertaste. 

 Very nice pairing.

Course Four:  Mango Chickpea Curry

smoked basmati rice/mint coconut yogurt

I like mangos. I like chickpeas. I love Indian curry.

There was nothing wrong with this dish but it did not "wow" me as the previous ones had. Perhaps, that's why I realized, upon blogging, that I didn't take a photo of this course

Oh well.

Instead, let's focus on the wine that was paired with this dish.

Viognier.

(Vee-on-yay)

Years ago, a friend of mine who is a master sommelier referred to a Viognier as a "Chardonnay that couldn't". I always remember that because I tend to agree.

I don't hate Viogniers. I just wouldn't ever choose one.

Yalumba's Y Series Viognier changed my mind.

Had I not know this was a Viognier, I would have sworn it was a Chardonnay.

It smelled of butter and oak. This was the first wine of the night that I took my time before I even took a single sip. The aroma was so enjoyable that I just didn't want to stop inhaling it. I haven't had wine like that in a while.
Once I did take a sip, I was even happier. Toasted bread. Very balanced.

There is no way this is a Viognier. Maybe it was labeled incorrectly.

Hands down, the best wine of the night regardless.

Course Five:  Green Lentil Pate with Toasted Crostini

portabello mushrooms/tomato demi

This is the course where you would normally have a filet or a venison tenderloin or even elk.

But I was eating lentils and mushrooms instead.

I never thought I'd say it, but it was pretty damn yummy. 

 Mushrooms are my friends.

I never ate them as a kid but that's probably because my parents didn't like them (or were scared of them) so they didn't keep them around. I'm not sure when I first had a mushroom but I know I really  enjoy them now and cook with them quite often.

I have to admit, I'm not sure about lentils. What exactly is a lentil? I'm not sure. I know it's a legume. Legume is a fun word to say. But other than that, I don't think I've ever had a lentil before tonight.  Would I have known it was a lentil if not told? Nope. Will I seek out lentils now? Nope.

Was this entire combination flavorful and a perfect bite? Sure was.

Yalumba's Cabernet Sauvignon was paired with this course and while it was jammy and smelled of tobacco and spice, it was a lot lighter Cab than I would choose. 

I love Cabs. Big, meaty, complex, chewy Cabs.

 This was extremely light and enjoyable, but just not my kind of Cab.

If I don't feel like I need to scrape the roof of my mouth, then it's not my Cab.

Course Six:  Date and Nut Fudge Brownie

coconut whip/dark chocolate ganache/hazelnuts/almonds/hibiscus

Hubs and I enjoy desserts but we try not to eat them much. I am doing my best to cut back or even cut out my sugar intake completely. But the one time we splurge on dessert is when we go to the Salt Box because Chef Amanda is a dessert Goddess.

Chef Amanda had me at chocolate, coconut and hazelnut with this course.

The richness of the ganache balanced perfectly with the lightness of the coconut whip and a hint of sweet from the hibiscus. The nuts gave the perfect crunch to top off this lovely dessert!

A typical Aussie Shiraz was paired with dessert. The Shiraz smelled of roasted tomatoes with cherry glaze on top and its taste reminded me of a dessert wine. Way too sweet for me but a wonderful pairing with this decadent dessert.

I have often thought about removing meat from my diet and I have successfully cut back from what I used to eat. When I truly think about it, it would be very easy to do - for health reasons and to honor my love for animals. Going completely plant-based or vegan is something that would prove more challenging to me but if the Sprinkle Chefs keep making this kind of food taste this incredible, it may not be so difficult after all!

"People who love to eat are always the best people." — Julia Child

Silk, my A*#!

"Try something new", she says.
"Branch out", she says.

I took my own advice today and bought this bottle of wine for under $10. I can't tell you the last time I bought a wine under $25 so this was a huge stretch for me. Not only was it under $10 but it was at Safeway.

As I was cooking dinner for me and mom tonight, I opened this bottle of Menage a Trois Silk. I am almost embarrassed to say I bought this wine considering what I am used to drinking but, honestly, I'll give anything a chance!

I swirled, I sniffed. Hmmm.. I swirled again...... vigorously.
I inhaled.
Dark plums and lilacs

I sipped. It burned a bit and a tasted a tad bit medicinal and like licorice. Yep, licorice. I hate licorice.
Disappointed.
But.... I left it alone and waited 20 minutes.
Rotten plums rolled in sand and then dipped in Listerine. Yep, that's it.

I feel like I'm a victim of false advertising.
Silk .
Silk makes me think of smooth. Satin sheets. Cashmere. The fur of an alpaca.
Seriously. Have you ever pet an alpaca? Softest, most beautiful fur ever. I want an alpaca and have for years but they cost too much. $22 grand.
Yeah, I know they spit. But only if you make them mad. Don't make them mad.
But I digress.

Silk
Really?
Who came up with this name?
Maybe it's smooth like a newborn baby's bottom. But really, I don't need my wine to taste like a newborn baby's bottom. I like funk. But barnyard funk  -not baby funk. This isn't even funky. Seriously? Silk?

Ok.. hold on Tiny Wine Girl. Make this a learning experience. You've spent $10 on lesser things.

I kept swirling. I kept sipping. I kept cooking.
I turned on the radio.
Old Dominion. One of my favorite bands.
All of a sudden, the wine was tolerable.
I was sipping. I was singing. I was dancing. I was smiling.

When a bottle of wine makes you think......

I Iove Chardonnay.

The big oaky kind.

Toasted coconut and vanilla notes; even hazelnut undertones

Not butter though.

I don't need to drink (or eat, for that matter) a stick of butter.

I have also come to appreciate unoaked Chardonnays.

"Silver" by Mer Soleil is one that is reasonably priced that I enjoy.

 When it comes to unoaked ones, I always have to have food though.

Usually seafood. Steamed mussels, to be exact, pair wonderfully with Silver.

After two days of monsoon-like rain and gloomy days,

I was on my way out the door to go shopping, and asked the hubs (also known as my favorite guy) to throw a Chardonnay in the fridge so it would be ready upon my return.

He chose a 2015 A to Z Chardonnay that was easily accessible in our kitchen wine rack.

A to Z is one of my favorite Pinot Noir wineries - located in Oregon, of course.

So, why drink a Chardonnay if it's known for Pinot Noir?

Why even buy it in the first place?

Good question. I wanted to take a chance.

I like to live on the edge.

Brace yourself.

This 2015 vintage is very light, crisp and definitely unoaked. 

It is also very light in color; almost clear.

At first whiff, there is a hint of petroleum

and then melon, honey dew and white flowers take over.

There is a definite floral aroma.

However, there is no way I'd ever think this wine was a Chardonnay.

It is more reminiscent of a Pinot Gris but, of course, that makes sense coming from Oregon.

The Pinot Gris grape definitely finds itself at home growing in Oregon. The climate and geology are similar to the regions of Burgundy and Alsace in France where the grape originated.

With a clean, crisp taste, citrus flavors appear. 

 Lemon perhaps but thankfully, not enough to make you pucker.

The floral aromas tend to appear in the taste as well.... and fruit.... maybe pear or apricot.

Wait, wet stone. That's it.

Wet stone.

Yep, this wine tastes like little white flowers draped over stones at the edge of a river bed.

Even though this wine doesn't taste like a typical unoaked Chardonnay to me, it surely wasn't a waste. I don't know that I'd purchase it again but it definitely was worth trying.

I believe I would have enjoyed it more had I prepared seared scallops, Crab Norfolk or even shrimp scampi. It would work nicely as an ingredient in those dishes, being sipped as I prepared those dishes or as a chaser to each bite of those dishes!

It never hurts to try a different wine.

You like what you like - that's my mantra in wine tasting.

However, there's no reason to get stuck with certain ones.

Branch out, live a little. Try new wines. You just may find something extraordinary.

But if you don't, that's ok too - at least you tried.  

The more you try, the more you'll be able to pinpoint what it is you like (or don't like) about certain wines.

Hmm... wait a minute - that sounds very similar to new relationships.

You're bored, want to try something new.

The "label" is intriguing at first glance so you take it home with you and figure it's worth trying.

After opening the bottle, you realize it's not exactly what you like

but it's better than nothing at this point.

So, you go ahead and pour yourself a glass.

A little tart, not what you're used to, maybe even comes on a little too strong at first.

It doesn't really set well with you but you might as well give it a chance.

It could get better. It could grow on you.

You try to appreciate it for what it is and not what you wish it could be.

Yeah, I remember those days.

They are not necessarily fond memories either.

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about that nonsense any more...

.......in regard to men or wine.

“There are thousands of wines that can take over our minds.

Don't think all ecstasies are the same!”
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

My wine blog muse

It's been quite a while since I've blogged about wine. It's been quite a while since I have felt like writing or even drinking much wine.

Wait, what? How can that be, you ask?

Yeah, I know. Earth shattering news. 

A lot has happened in my world over the past year or so.  Some of it fantastic. Some of it not so much. But regardless, I lost my mojo. It was swallowed up and eaten alive. I was beginning to wonder if  it would ever return.

Tonight, thanks to my dad, I may have gotten it back. 

My parents are my best friends. My dad was always my "plus one" when it came to going to my happy place, wineries or just sharing a bottle of wine (or 2 or 3); most of the time accompanied by laughs, deep conversation and music. 

I'm saying in this in the past tense because Dad and I haven't been able to enjoy a bottle of wine together for quite a long time. Dad was battling a recurrence of prostate cancer and the effects of chemotherapy devastated his physical body. On November 24 at 7:40 a.m. with my mom, myself and the love of my life by his side, my dad took his last breath. A week and a day later, I am completely heartbroken, lost and often in a state of disbelief. He may be physically gone which is the hardest part right now but I know that my dad is still with me and always will be. I just can't find complete solace in that fact just yet.

This evening, I decided to order take-out from our happy place. I walked into the wine bar and returned the tray that was filled with Mediterranean Pasta graciously presented to us from the owners after Dad died. I was greeted with a loving hug from Dan, then a tear-filled squeeze of love from my Rachel, adoring words and hugs from my darling Aliki and a gentle shoulder to lean on from Neil.  I saw Arthur, the owner, who was excited to see me as always. He expected me to do the Saturday night tasting but I just couldn't bring myself to partake. Why? Because it was the annual J.Lohr tasting and Dad and I always participated together.  Arthur and I stood in an understanding silence after hugging and me stating that it wasn't the same - that I expected Dad to be at my side. 

Everywhere I turned at my happy place, I saw my dad.

It was OUR happy place and now it was a little less happy. No, a lot less happy. 

I picked up my food and proceeded to the parking lot where I got into my Jeep Wrangler and cried all the way back to my parents' house. 

As I walked into my parents house, I sat next to my mom on the sofa and just bawled like a baby. Then I got up and started getting our dinner together. I went downstairs to pick out a wine from my dad's wine rack because I just wanted one glass with dinner.

Knowing exactly what is in my dad's wine racks, because we have opened quite a few in the last couple of days with family and friends stopping by, I knew there were only two red wines left - a Chambourcin and a Tempranillo. I didn't want either but I figured one glass wouldn't kill me and I needed a red. 

All of a sudden, I pulled out a bottle and it was a Pinot Noir from Germany.

Wait. What? I had to look again.

No, I wasn't seeing things. You've got to be kidding me. 

No, of course. It makes perfect sense. 

Let me explain. 

Two days ago, it was a beautiful 68 degree day in late November and Mom and I needed to get out of the house so we took my sweet Nami and went to our happy place to sit outside and have lunch. After we ate, I went inside and wanted to check out the wines for sale. I was looking for a Merlot from Columbia Valley (b/c that was Dad's all-time favorite) and while I found one,I also found this really unique bottle - a German Pinot Noir from Mosel. 

Dad always looked for German wines and if they came from Mosel, they were even more special to him. Most of the Mosel wines we found, though, were Rieslings. While Dad loved Rieslings, unless it's a stinky Alsace one, I tend to not be a fan. 

There was no doubt, I HAD to buy this one. A Pinot (or Pignot as he would jokingly call it)- which Dad and I often enjoyed together - AND from Mosel? Totally going home with me to the beach for a special occasion!

Fast forward to tonight. 

I come home, sobbing uncontrollably, search through Dad's wine rack for something fathomable. 

To my surprise, I find this EXACT same wine. 

Yeah, exactly. 

Thanks, Daddy. 

Coming from an Oregon Pinot Noir snob, yeah, that's me, I was pleasantly surprised at this wine. 

But as I say that, I think, this makes perfect sense. Dad knew what a tough time I had going to our happy place without him so he made sure that I had something to smile about when I returned to his home without him. I didn't even care if this wine would pair well with my meal; I was drinking it. 

A rusty, brick-colored red, this wine has an aroma of burnt ripe red/black berries and a hint of flowers. Upon first sip, I wouldn't have believed this was a Pinot - it was a bit tangy, a bit smoky, a bit fruity and a strong finish of slate. After tasting the wine, I read the label on the back of the bottle and what's the first thing that it says it will pair well with? Lamb.

What did I take home from my happy place for dinner?

My second favorite special.... Lamb youvetsi. 

So I ate my lamb youvetsi, I drank my glass of Mosel Pinot, and I'm watching Ohio State play in the Big 10 college football championship, in my dad's spot on my dad's sofa....

without him..... 

Well, not really. 

So much has changed.....

She was 10 years old. No, wait, that’s what she always says. But now that I think about it and do the math, she had to have been 11. It was summer and her grandfather died the November after she turned 11. Wait, maybe she was 12 because it would have been the following summer. Damn, she's too pretty to do math. At least that’s what a previous boss told her and she's just gonna go with that. 

Regardless of the actual number, it was the awkward stage of her life – middle school years, of course – the worst three years of her life. She had a body wave in her hair and big round glasses that she hated.  She remembers being tall and skinny and not a bit shapely. Reminiscent of a baby giraffe perhaps. That turquoise one piece with black splotches was something else.... some things you wish you just didn't remember yet are so blatantly clear.  

She remembers that quaint summer cottage as if it was yesterday. A maroon/brown color with dark paneling (knotty pine perhaps?) inside and a crow’s nest on top which she used as her “getaway”.  They were about two blocks from the ocean but she could see it from that crow’s nest and that’s where all was right with her world, even if just for a second. She remembers her parents, her grandmother and her dad’s parents being there on vacation with them that week. Oddly enough, she doesn't remember any restaurants or stores or special places she visited. She just knows that this middle school ugly duckling didn’t feel like she belonged anywhere in the world until she came here. This is the only place on earth where she felt an instant source of peace and belonging.

As a young girl, she would daydream about being there with the man of her dreams. Years went by and boys came and went but none of them were "him".  As she got older, she continued to vacation there and would even visit for long weekends with a girl friend in what became her favorite time of year, Fall. September and October became her months of choice for beach adventures. The tourists were home getting ready for winter, the restaurants were still open but with no waits, rentals were cheaper and fishermen and people with dogs were pretty much all that roamed the beach. This truly was her heaven on earth. Even into her 30s she would still cross that bridge and her blood pressure would  instantly drop, she'd let out a deep sigh and pure contentment  would surround her. So much has changed since then. Yet so much remains the same.

That pre-teen's innocence is gone. But so are those ugly glasses, big hair and skinny legs. Boney Maroney is no more. That one piece turned into a bikini which is now usually a tank and shorts. Her grandmother is gone, her dad's father is gone and her dad's mother is hanging on by a thread. Her parents are aging and, well, so is she.

She now lives in her heaven on earth thanks to finally finding "him". It's been nine months and she still shakes her head in disbelief and awe.  Instead of annual vacations with her parents, they now come visit and stay at her house.  Her house. The house she shares with the man of her dreams. The house where she can see the ocean and the sunrise from the top level. The house which backs up to a golf course and a backyard which serves as her private oasis as the sun is setting.


She sees life differently now.
She gave up an almost six-figure job for barely 30 grand. 
She gave up independence and self-sufficiency for reliance on another human being for the first time since she was a child.
She lost her two-year old, "paid off" Cherokee in an accident which could have proved fatal and in turn got a reality check and a Jeep Wrangler.
She lost her best friend to cancer after only three short months of their dreams of living at the beach together became reality.
She gave up her comfort zone of friends and the only place she's ever known as home.


But she gained so very much in return.
She knows even more than she did before what is important in life.
She knows that every moment is precious. Every. Single. Moment.
She tries not to take things for granted.
She loves with every ounce of who she is and tries to live with no regrets.


That 10 year old little girl is now 43.
So much has changed.
Yet so much remains the same.