Less than two years ago, my tiny dancer, one of the sweetest people I have ever known, was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I remember my parents coming over to my house to break the news to me in person because they knew I was going to be devastated.... and I was.
But what do I do when one of "my people" gets sick?
I delve into it head first, learn all I can and help them however I can.
Peggy and I met at the Dale City Moose Lodge. Yeah, wait... me? At the Moose lodge? Yeah, I know, bizarre, but it happened. I believe everything happens for a reason. My parents had been members for a while and I was going through a breakup and would meet them over there. Why? Well, it passed the time, it was cheap food and drink and no matter how bad I looked I still looked like, and was treated like, a rock star when I walked into the place.
I was accepted there for who I am. Period. I had so many amazing times there.
Dick and Chrissy Sarna were the ones who really made me feel at home there. I knew them when I was a kid and I grew up with their son, Keith, who is a year older than me. Keith and I knew each other in high school but never really spent any time together. Truth be known, I had a huge crush on him back in the day. Chrissy was head of the Women's Chapter at the Moose and was always after me to become a member. I gave in to her pressure after a while and joined. If it wasn't for Chrissy I never would have done it. It wasn't very long after joining, that we unexpectedly lost Chrissy to cancer. However, as a result, I gained two incredible friends for the rest of my life - her son, Keith, and her best friend, Peggy.
Peggy was one of the sweetest souls I have ever met in my 41 years on this earth. She became an instant friend; she never met a stranger. She was barely 4'10 and yet there was so much love and strength and fun in that tiny little lady. She had made it through four husbands, losing two sons at a young age, her mother, her job and even her home. Yet she never gave up and she always saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, even after breast cancer, radiation, chemo, and a mastectomy.
She was an incredible dancer. She loved music. She loved singing. She was always dressed to the nines with heels and jewelry from head to toe. I never tired of watching her sashay across the dance floor with that infectious smile on her face. She stole the stage and demanded everyone's attention when she entered the room.
After Chrissy died, Peggy and I became even closer. It was as if Chrissy brought us together and connected us in a way that no one else could. There were endless nights that she and I would talk on the phone or chat online divulging our deepest fears, happiest of thoughts and sharing our unconditional love and devoted friendship for each other. Peggy was always there when I needed her, no matter what trials she was going through. But I was always there for her too, never leaving her side or her heart.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I grabbed her hand and went to both informational chemo appointments and even one of her official doctor appointments. Her oncologist was my dad's and I already had a bond with him. It was if it was a sign and I was supposed to be there. The last thing I wanted was for her to go through this alone. Her strength overwhelmed me and never wavered throughout her entire battle.
In November 2013 I saw her at my uncle's funeral and was told that her cancer was gone.
What an incredible blessing!
In August of last year, her hair was coming back and she made a day trip down to Colonial Beach to see my parents new home. I was so happy that Prowler, the Evil Red Genius and I were there to see her. Peggy always gave the best hugs and looking at this picture just lets me feel it all over again as if she were here with me.
A few days before Christmas, Peggy sent me a message saying that the cancer was back, in her chest and on her liver. Chemo was to begin on January 6. On February 3, my mom and I were at my dad's oncologist appointment and as we were sitting in the room waiting, we saw Peggy walk by. She was so happy to see us and hugged the three of us. She even made her daughter take a picture of the three of us on her phone.
My tiny dancer had really diminished. She couldn't have weighed 60 lbs, could barely walk and had no energy. Yet her personality was still in there and she was dressed to the nines! That's my lady! After dad's appointment I went into the chemo room to see her and I'm so glad I did. We chatted for a bit, we hugged and exchanged our usual, but never routine, "I love you".
Two days later, February 5, my heart broke into a million pieces when I got the news that my sweet Peggy, my tiny dancer, was gone.
While my heart is broken, my soul is full of joy. She is finally healthy and happy again. She is free of pain and disease. She is with her mom, with her son, Dougie, and her best friend and soul mate, Chrissy again.
I am so grateful to have had that moment two days ago with her. I am so grateful that she made her daughter take the picture of the three of us.
She posted it on Facebook that day and said "made my day - love ya'll so much".
This afternoon, a friend of mine who is a photographer, posted this picture on her Facebook page. Every morning she takes pictures of the sunrise over the river. She had no idea that this picture was in the mix until she downloaded them later. She made a comment about how there was an angel over the pier. I immediately responded and said I knew who it was. My angel on earth had passed away this morning and this shot was taken right after sunrise. There was no doubt that this was my sweet Peggy shedding her human body.
I have been in a daze all day and when I came home I decided I needed to do something to celebrate her life. While I miss her tremendously, she is in a better place now and she is back to her happy, healthy self. As my mom said, she danced her way into heaven and deservedly so.
Tonight it is with a heavy heart that I raise a glass of one of my favorite everyday Chardonnays to my dear friend, Peggy Ratcliff. This is the wine I drank at Madigans in Occoquan when she and I last had a fantastic girls night dinner before she was ever diagnosed with breast cancer. We always shared such intimate secrets and heartfelt stories together. I'll never forget how wonderful her hugs were and how much love and strength was in that tiny little body! As she always said to me when we ended the night, "love you always". While I miss her with all of my heart, I am so happy that she finally is at peace.
Today was peppered with extreme wind chills - temps of 32 but feeling like 21. The wind literally cut through me as I walked from the parking lot to my office building. At one point, I literally had to stop and catch my breath and balance because the wind was so strong. It remained that windy all day.
When I took Prowler out for his last romp of the night before bedtime, the wind had stopped, almost instantly. A beautifully magical perfectly-shaped moon was shining. I felt my dear friend with me and as a tear rolled down my face relief also passed through me. It was then that it all made sense. This morning it was horribly windy because she was leaving this earth and entering into heaven. Peggy definitely deserved a grand entrance and the earth was no doubt shaking as someone as strong and incredible as Peggy was making her departure. The winds all day were evidence of her energy leaving this earth and the calming of the skies and the brilliant moonlight this evening were evidence of her arrival in heaven.
Meeting someone who was just as much of a hopeless romantic as I was so comforting.
She loved being in love and showed me there's nothing wrong with it.
She taught me such amazing life lessons because she lived them and because of her I'll never forget them:
"You only have one life - be happy."
"Treasure the memory; don't forget it."
"Sometimes in life one thing changes your whole life."
"We all have one life to live. Who is to say how you do it? Search your soul. Do what you need to do for yourself."
"Life is like a good book. You never know what will happen til the last page."
"Forgiveness is hard but never forget the lesson."
"We go down roads that have bumps but you can always take another road. Be good to yourself. You deserve the very best."
My Peggy, I am thankful to have had you in my life and so grateful you graced me with your presence.
I'll never forget those loving hugs you gave and looking down at your sweet self smiling up at me with pursed lips to give me a kiss as we ended the night.
My sweet friend, my precious tiny dancer,
your "little Audrey Hepburn"
will love you always.
"You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you.. and then you meet one person and your life is changed…. forever." -Love and Other Drugs
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