This week, in 1996, I started what I thought was going to be the beginning of an incredible and long career. Well, it was the beginning of a career but I wouldn’t call it incredible but it sure was long. Each day seemed like a year at times, especially the last ten of those 14. But what saved me during those 14 years was the relationships I built - a few of which would stay with me the rest of my life.
Two years later, in 1998, a temp was hired in the office across the hall from mine. We would often “steal” her to cover our phones when we were short staffed. In 2000, she became a permanent full-time employee and a year later I would go back to work in that same office. We would quickly become friends, inseparable, (at work and outside of work) and instant family. The exact moment that this occurred I don’t recall. All I know is it is difficult for me to remember a day without her in it.
Waxy chocolate doughnuts, apple fritters, ChikFila breakfast biscuits, her baking, lunches at Bittersweet with Mac who called us Snicker and Doodle, Taylon, Kikidee, Tiny, RockIt Grill karaoke, voodoo dolls for Raspy, back door access to Overwood with our favorite drinks waiting for us at our spot at the bar, starting a tradition of winery adventures the day before Thanksgiving, staying in the haunted house rental in KDH and all three sharing a bed, watching football at the bar at Tortugas, recalling Archie driving home backwards one night, Lady Marmalade, karaoke at the Moose lodge with my fam, performing a reading at my wedding, staying at another rental in KDH and eating Sonic on the deck overlooking the ocean where Prowler got fleas for the only time in his life, sharing that amazing crab pasta at The Wharf for lunch, stopping me from murdering M on the daily, being there on that first encounter and keeping my Happy secret for as long as I requested, unconditional reciprocal acceptance, taking my side when Prowler grabbed BB by the pigtails when she kept taunting him and we told her over and over not to go under the table, celebrating Prowler’s second bday, all three kids calling me Aunt and my parents their grandparents, me being there when Freckles was sick, her middle child wanting to be with me at the funeral of her grandma instead of her blood and riding in the car with me, her youngest “seeing” her grandma in the backseat and carrying on a conversation, the kids devastated when I was divorcing until I explained why and then they came to my defense, singing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough with her hubs at my uncle’s retirement party, making my racist Pap like her, always being the best sounding board I could ever ask for, Kanu Chenin Blanc and that shrimp salad, Loudoun Valley Vineyards and Alan Gant’s music, Big Everett dying, taking her to a Tim McGraw concert and getting glares as we walked to the first couple rows to sit, meeting Toby Keith, her obsession, and handing him the phone so she could talk to him, giggling when P went after her feet, that smile that never ceased to make me smile, her genuine motherly personality that always made me feel loved and safe, those stuffed shells, the stewed tomatoes recipe, allowing me to be at the hospital when her youngest was born and me getting to hold her before her own father did, her being there when my ladybug transitioned and again after years of not seeing each other showing up at my dad’s funeral…..There’s more, so much more, and I could write for days of the experiences and laughs and tears and friendship and sisterhood that we shared.
In 2010, I escaped from hell but she remained. We still had our adventures, just not daily. We spent most of our time together on weekends. Six years later, I would move five hours away and we lost touch but that’s the way life goes sometimes. We would message a few times a year but our lives took different directions. The love never ended though.
Back in May of this year, I received a message that she was in the hospital for gall bladder surgery snd I reached out. She ended up having complications and was in the ICU but all seemed like it was resolving. On July 5, she texted me at work to tell me she was going to start chemo the following week. I was devastated. How did this happen? All of a sudden being five hours away feels a lot farther than it really is. I came home and had a talk with a dragonfly in my backyard. The message that came through loud and clear was “Stay strong….not long”. That dragonfly would land on my finger and stay a while. For the next three days, in the exact same spot, that dragonfly would appear and even when I called for it to come to me one day. I was comforted. But I also had confirmation.
I researched and researched and, though she was not divulging much, I could feel that this was bad-very bad.
On July 16, I texted her “happy birthday” and found she was in the hospital. It’s been over a week and she is still there. On July 17, she called me on my way to work. It was the first time I had heard her voice since 2017. It filled my heart with such joy. I told her I know that she is strong but I really hate not being there with her right now. She responded with, “I love you. I just love you.” The convo wasn’t even five minutes because someone came in her room. I hung up the phone and bawled the rest of the way to work. She sounded completely normal and like herself. She was asking about me and diverting the convo away from her. Always taking care of and looking out for everyone else-the ultimate caregiver, even now.
Last night, July 19, I asked if she was going home and she responded with a no but then asked if she could call me.
🙏🏻Are you home? Yes. Are you sitting down? Yes. (Setting the stage but making sure I was ok first.)
I have a rare and aggressive cancer…..I know.
It’s not curable….ok.
The treatment I’m receiving is palliative care…ok🙏🏻
That’s how the phone call started. She told me everything. I was grateful. Anytime I ask how SHE is feeling she says she is good, as well as can be expected and “my faith is stronger than my fear”. It always has been. She has always been one of my “Godly” friends. I’m so happy for that, especially now. I made her promise to tell me (or have one of the kids tell me) before the shit hits the fan so that I can get up there. I know she will. I also know that I will know before anyone tells me.
I hung up the phone after an hour and didn’t think I would ever stop crying. When my friend dropped off a care package for her from me and Mom today and sent me a photo, I cried uncontrollably again. But I feel better having talked to her. I feel better knowing she got my package. I don’t feel like I have a lot of time to get up there but I feel like I don’t have to panic and go right now. Probably within the next month or two.
She just turned 50….this week….in the hospital. She is planning her retirement her final wishes and she is 50. I’m 50. I can’t stop thinking of her husband and kids and that grandson who will be two next week. Liters and liters of fluid are being drained from around her lungs and her stomach lining. The cancer is in the fluid. Chemo is hopefully going to help reduce the fluid but it’s not going to cure the cancer. Chemo also is going to destroy other things as chemo always does. They don’t know the origin of the cancer but this has been going on since April. It’s spreading. It’s been spreading for almost four months. If it doesn’t spread, there’s a chance of five years. If it spreads, more like six months. It’s been almost four. I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. But I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the decades of friendship and family we shared. I’m grateful to have three kids who are adults now still calling me “Aunt Val”. I’m grateful for her being hired full time 24 years ago because she is one of the reasons I survived my sentence at Shitty Hall.
When I think about this logically, as a human, I want to help. I need to help. I want to fix things. I want an explanation. I want to drop everything and go save the day. But when I release the emotion and really think about this, I know everything is happening as it is supposed to. She signed up for all of this-as part of her soul’s journey and the lessons to be learned and experienced in this lifetime. We also were supposed to meet when we did and experience all we did together. My heart knows this but my head is fighting it. One thing my heart and head agree on though is that my life experience has been so much better because of her being in it.
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