Childhood wounding. Core wound. Inner child healing. Sounds so daunting to some, I am sure. To others, the idea is probably easily dismissed even…..because “Oh, I had a perfect childhood.” Trauma looks different for everyone.
This morning, while at the beach, a family of six appeared next to me. It looked like a grandmother, mother, father and three brothers ranging from 9 to 14. Quickly, dynamics began to emerge as Joshua, the middle child, started screaming at his dad. Joshua was threatened with screams back and things like, “you’re gonna regret that decision” and “if you go over that dune, you lose electronics for a whole month”. My husband gets annoyed at screaming kids and loud speaking adults, and usually I do too, but this time was different.
Joshua wanted to be heard. All he wanted was for someone to listen to him. Joshua has wanted this his entire young life and is still not getting it from those he needs it from most-his parents. Joshua was directing most of his comments to his dad and saying, “You never listen to me”, “You always blame me”, You don’t care what I have to say, it’s always automatically my fault”. Instead of being annoyed or angry, I felt sad and had an immediate desire to help and to LISTEN to this boy. So I focused and tuned into his energy. I told him who I was and taught him how to focus on his breathing. He corrected me that the man was not his father and that is when the light bulb went off. Within two minutes, Joshua had calmed down and the man had walked to the ocean and stopped escalating the situation. There was not a peep out of sweet Joshua for the next two hours. I listened and I gave him a physical way to calm down through his breath.
Joshua wanted to be heard. Joshua needed someone to listen. Joshua did not respond well to be yelled at. I wanted so badly to go to him and hug him and tell him he was safe with me and could tell me anything. Instead, I surrounded him in love and sent calm strength from a distance.
It is not until we are eight years old that our conscious minds are formed. What does that mean? Our subconscious minds are running the show. From 0 to 7, we are like sponges that soak up everything we hear, see, feel…. as fact. We don’t have the ability to process right or wrong. What happens, what we are told, how we are treated….by family members, teachers, doctors, that kid in class, neighbors… serve as programming. By the time year eight comes around, the “damage” has been done. It takes years, sometimes our entire adult lives, to heal from these triggers. We all have one core wound that occurred between the ages of 0 and 7 and it will affect us our entire life until we are aware of it and address it. Yes, even you.
I saw and felt all of this through Joshua today. All he wants is for someone to listen to him; to feel like what he thinks and feels matters. Since this man is not his dad, most likely his core wound comes from an experience with his dad and this new man is a trigger. Joshua will continue to encounter these triggers year after year in different forms. I hope he gets the help he needs to see that this is not his fault and to overcome this wound before it manifests into something worse. If not, he will start behaving in negative ways to get that attention and to MAKE people listen to him. HE will hurt him self and others.
Listen to your children. Don’t blow off their behavior as being attributed to their adolescence, or temper tantrums, or “oh, that’s just how they are”. There is ALWAYS a reason why. The key is to care enough to want to understand. If your children are under the age of 7, pay special attention to what they are absorbing because they are little sponges soaking up EVERY single thing. They may not react to something but, believe me, they ARE being affected.
Childhood wounding is real. I didn’t uncover my core wound until I was over 40 and it occurred when I was four. As a result, I can trace back numerous triggers throughout my life that are so obvious now. I did a lot of forgiveness work and don’t blame anyone because no one knew about core wounds then. We do now, so there are no excuses. If you are an adult, let’s talk about it. If you are an adult with a child, talk to them about it now. If you have young babies, be very cognizant of what they are hearing, seeing and experiencing. Talk to them. The biggest misconception is that kids aren’t old enough to understand and that is complete bullshit. Their souls have been through lifetimes of this and are willing to tell you if you stay open and LISTEN!
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