This type of pain was similar in emotional anguish to when my grandmother lost her nightmare three week-battle three years prior. It was more than heartbreak. It left me with a complete sense of emptiness and complete loss. It changed me like nothing else and I would never be the same. Prowler was my companion who stood by me and powered me to go on. It wasn't until 17 months later that my heart started to piece back together when my ladybug sent my favorite guy to help me feel again.
Just as my ladybug sent him to help ease her loss in my life, Prowler also sent me a gift to help keep me occupied and to steal a little piece of that shattered heart eight months after he was taken from me.
It was June 2017 and I was bored and perusing Petfinder. That's when I found Violet. Definitely a German shepherd mix and very young. Then I saw THE photo. The one with HIS eyes. She had my boy's eyes. The date she was available for adoption? His birthday! My heart raced. My heart sank. My heart smiled. My heart cried. But she was a puppy and female-two things I said I definitely didn't want. But... those eyes. Those soulful Prowler eyes....
I filled out a generic application with the rescue because I know how the process works. It would take a while so maybe one day when the time was right the right dog would pop up. Violet made me hopeful. I liked this rescue on Facebook and then went on about my day.
A few days later, a post on the rescue's Facebook page appeared which made me confusingly emotional. There was Violet- laying on the floor, big eyed and anxious -almost fearful- with three little girls. She had been adopted and I wept. I had never met her but I felt as if she was stolen out from under me. I had this feeling as if she was my dog. Days went by and she took over my every thought. I knew it didn't make sense but I just couldn't get past this sense of loss.
That next week, on an ordinary Thursday morning, almost eight months to the day of losing P, I got the call. Ronnie from Furever Home Rescue said I had been approved to adopt but the dog I had an interest in had been adopted. I played dumb because she didn't need to know what a pro Facebook stalker I was but hearing her say Violet had been adopted crushed my already weakened spirit again.
Next thing you know I was talking to Kelly, her new foster mom of only 30 minutes. Violet was about five months old and had been in the VA Beach animal shelter, in three foster homes, adopted and returned. She was said to be very fearful and didn't know how to be a dog. Her adopted family said she growled at one of their daughters so they sent her back. Four hours later, I was going home from work to meet Violet because Kelly was graciously driving her from Norfolk to meet me in Kitty Hawk. I had no idea what I was doing and was not prepared for this at all but I was drawn to this little girl.
I met this precious baby in my fenced-in backyard and she was timid and scared. But she was absolutely beautiful. That black and tan shepherd face, those Prowler eyes, those expressive ears and long skinny legs on a body of fine biscuit cream hair. She instantly reminded me of a gazelle or a baby deer. When the swarm of dragonflies appeared and surrounded her, I knew this was a very special girl. The connection was undeniable. The energy from my spirit world was remarkable
We were allowed to keep this scared and confused puppy for the weekend to see how she would acclimate. In less than 24 hours, I knew that sweet, misunderstood baby girl would never be alone again. She would be my project. She would give me purpose again. She would be a challenge, no doubt, but she and I needed each other. We were both broken. We were both confused and scared. We were both needing unconditional love and healing and had no idea where we would find it, if ever.
I rescued a fearful little puppy named Violet and she became Nami Libelle, one of the greatest gifts of my life, thanks to the best dog ever who always looked out for me and, obviously, continues to do so. Nami has created her own place in my shattered heart and while she keeps me on my toes, she daily shows me such unequivocal love and gratitude. I may have officially rescued Nami but she definitely saved me.
Happy Gotcha Day, my Nammers. You became my baby girl a year ago today! Neither of us are anywhere near perfect, but we are learning and growing every day - side by side, hand in paw, tied together by indestructible heartstrings.
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