Have you ever heard a song and it instantly takes you back in time? It's like you're transported back to an exact moment. You feel the same as you did then and you are truly caught up in that moment again. Then the song brings on more memories and sometimes you even have an "aha moment" as a result. Well, that's what happened to me this morning and I was compelled to write.
It was the Spring of 1996.
It was the Spring of 1996.
I was 22 years old and I was headed to Panama City Beach for Spring Break. We had record lows on the East Coast and it was snowing when my girlfriend and I left Woodbridge, VA on our 24-hour trek down 95 South. We had never been anywhere on Spring Break and didn't want to go to Daytona or Lauderdale. We wanted to be away from all the crazies. We just wanted to enjoy the beach and get away for a while.
After we drove those 24 hours without a break down 95 and then west along the Florida panhandle, we finally arrived at what we anticipated being paradise. To our surprise, MTV decided to film Spring Break at Panama City Beach that year. Go figure. Our luck.
The first day we were there we met a waiter at a local restaurant who also bartended at Harpoon Harry's and he became our unofficial tour guide for the rest of the time we were there. The shithole we were staying in was more like a brothel and before long we found ourselves staying at our new friend's house. I had never met a stranger who was so kind and welcoming. I wasn't a fool. I grew up outside of DC. I know how people act - always a hidden motive - but he was different. Something told me we could trust him and we found out later that yes, we could.
John and I dated for about two years, I think. The first time I ever flew in an airplane was from Dulles to Atlanta on ValuJet to go visit John. I was absolutely terrified and it was the smoothest, easiest flight I've ever had in my life. We drove cross country from DC to Minnesota to visit his family who own a farm and "drive truck" for Green Giant. I still remember being up to my calves in pigshit and holding a baby pig for the first time. I couldn't eat bacon for a good year afterwards. Being a government nerd, I loved visiting the capital buildings of each state that we drove through and John would purposely take a detour so we could see them and photograph them. Abe Lincoln is my favorite president and we even visited Abe's home before he became president and his tomb which was absolutely incredible. We did all of this in a tiny Chevy S10 pickup and didn't stay in one single hotel on the way. John would visit me in NoVA. I'd visit him in Florida. That September, my friend, Amy, and I decided we were going to move to Florida. We had plans to go visit and house hunt even. But God had other plans for me. That June of 1996 is when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and my entire world stopped. Amy moved to Florida and still lives there. I never went.
In such a short amount of time, John and I built a lot of memories. We shared a lot of dreams and made crazy plans. But this wasn't meant to be and while most of our times were good, there were some that were just overly annoying and flat out deal breakers. After all these years, I remember him and our time together fondly and that is what is most important. I can't say that about some of my past relationships....
Even after all the adventures we shared, there is still one that stands out and is what prompted me to write. During one of my visits to Panama City Beach, John and I had a simple dinner and a movie night. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. It was 1996 and it was the movie "Up Close and Personal." Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford. Michelle Pfeiffer is one of my favorite actresses and this is a fantastic love story. I'm not a Celine Dion fan by any means. She's phenomenal, yes, I agree, but she annoys me. Anyway, the theme song for that movie was her song, "Because You Loved Me" and every time I hear that song I think about that movie. Oh, how heartwrenchingly beautiful! It makes me want to go watch the movie again right now. For the longest time, I've always associated this song with this movie, with Michelle Pfeiffer and with my time on the Gulf Coast with John. But, this morning, when I heard the song for the first time in many years, it hit me in a completely different way.... in a way that slapped me across the face hard, loud and clear.
This!
THIS!
This is what this song is about!
This is why you love this song so much!
Because it's about him!
No, not the him from 1996 when you first heard the song.
Him!
No, not the him with who you share your life and forever love
Him!
The most important man in your life!
Yes, even now.
Your hero.
Ah, yes. Of course it is.
Him!!!
It's all come full circle. That is why this song has always been so special to me.
Him!!!
I love you, Daddy.
Because You Loved Me
For all those times you stood by me
Long story short - if you ever have the chance to see a town through a local's eyes, do it. It will give you a whole different perspective on the place. It gave me such a perspective that I decided, at the time, that I wanted to live there. I actually wanted to move there and start a new chapter of my life. I had just graduated college and was applying for local government jobs in Northern Virginia but hadn't gotten any leads yet. What was stopping me? If I was going to move, now would be the time. On top of it all, I had started falling for this bartender. He was more than just a bartender. We grew rather close. He challenged me. He was extremely intellectual yet had common sense. He was a romantic but not over the top. He actually introduced me to Tim McGraw music. "Not a Moment Too Soon" had just been released and it actually was quite fitting for our relationship. (I was young. Between high school boys, college losers and the ending of a four-year stint with who I thought I was going to marry, I was pretty much over it.) I would spend Easter with him in Panama City and we'd visit his dad in Dothan, Alabama and go by to see my old Alexandria Pastor Jay Wolf at First Baptist of Montgomery for Easter. We may have missed the service because of the time change but perhaps it was supposed to be that way because we were able to have lunch with Pastor Jay and his family at their home which was an absolute blessing.
John and I dated for about two years, I think. The first time I ever flew in an airplane was from Dulles to Atlanta on ValuJet to go visit John. I was absolutely terrified and it was the smoothest, easiest flight I've ever had in my life. We drove cross country from DC to Minnesota to visit his family who own a farm and "drive truck" for Green Giant. I still remember being up to my calves in pigshit and holding a baby pig for the first time. I couldn't eat bacon for a good year afterwards. Being a government nerd, I loved visiting the capital buildings of each state that we drove through and John would purposely take a detour so we could see them and photograph them. Abe Lincoln is my favorite president and we even visited Abe's home before he became president and his tomb which was absolutely incredible. We did all of this in a tiny Chevy S10 pickup and didn't stay in one single hotel on the way. John would visit me in NoVA. I'd visit him in Florida. That September, my friend, Amy, and I decided we were going to move to Florida. We had plans to go visit and house hunt even. But God had other plans for me. That June of 1996 is when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and my entire world stopped. Amy moved to Florida and still lives there. I never went. In such a short amount of time, John and I built a lot of memories. We shared a lot of dreams and made crazy plans. But this wasn't meant to be and while most of our times were good, there were some that were just overly annoying and flat out deal breakers. After all these years, I remember him and our time together fondly and that is what is most important. I can't say that about some of my past relationships....
Even after all the adventures we shared, there is still one that stands out and is what prompted me to write. During one of my visits to Panama City Beach, John and I had a simple dinner and a movie night. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. It was 1996 and it was the movie "Up Close and Personal." Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford. Michelle Pfeiffer is one of my favorite actresses and this is a fantastic love story. I'm not a Celine Dion fan by any means. She's phenomenal, yes, I agree, but she annoys me. Anyway, the theme song for that movie was her song, "Because You Loved Me" and every time I hear that song I think about that movie. Oh, how heartwrenchingly beautiful! It makes me want to go watch the movie again right now. For the longest time, I've always associated this song with this movie, with Michelle Pfeiffer and with my time on the Gulf Coast with John. But, this morning, when I heard the song for the first time in many years, it hit me in a completely different way.... in a way that slapped me across the face hard, loud and clear.
This!
THIS!
This is what this song is about!
This is why you love this song so much!
Because it's about him!
No, not the him from 1996 when you first heard the song.
Him!
No, not the him with who you share your life and forever love
Him!
The most important man in your life!
Yes, even now.
Your hero.
Ah, yes. Of course it is.
Him!!!
It's all come full circle. That is why this song has always been so special to me.
Him!!!
I love you, Daddy.
Because You Loved Me
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in meLifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me.
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