November……No friend of mine

November is emotional.

November is exhausting.
November is numbing.

November is cruel.
November is harsh.
November is unforgiving.

Every year, I focus on claiming November as mine. I attempt to focus on gratitude and manifest compassion and happiness. The depths of sadness, grief and pain that November brings is overwhelming. It started in 1984 with the unexpected transition of my maternal grandfather that devasted me. Then as the years passed, my “second mom”, my soul dog and my dad…although years apart….all occurred in the same span of six days. Throw in my uncle and paternal grandmother and the heaviness of November is often too much to carry. 

I am grateful for each of these souls, their presence and impact on my life. I am blessed to have shared in a love that was unrivaled but that alone makes it even more difficult, especially this time of year. I celebrate them and love celebrating them but it is also crucial to give myself the grace and space to feel what I feel and grieve. 

Why am I saying all of this?
To remind you that there is no timeline or directions on grief. 
To remind you that everyone handles things in their own way and it may not look like your way. 
To remind you to be kind and loving because you never know what someone is carrying with them or how extremely weighted those emotions may be.

November….one day, I’ll embrace you and I’ll allow myself to smile more than I cry when you are here. But I don’t think you’ll ever be my friend.