This too shall pass

When you were a child, perhaps you moved around a lot. Maybe your family was in the military. I always imagined it would be hard on the kid - always being the new kid in school or the neighborhood. Trying to fit in but not act like you're trying to fit in.

Maybe you even came into school in the middle of the school year. Maybe it was during middle school which is already an awkward time anyway. Maybe you had a different style; wore different clothes than what was supposedly "cool" at the time.  Maybe you had an accent because you came from a different area of the country. There were cliques already established.  The cheerleaders don't want to include her even though she was captain at her last school because she's friends with "that girl". The jocks don't want anything to do with him unless it's to copy off of him in Math class.  Why does she wear her hair like THAT? Why does he have THOSE shoes on?

Most of the time, though, there isn't even a reason that kids are mean. You're different. You're new. You're just being you but that is enough to upset their status quo. Perhaps they are jealous of you. Perhaps they have some sort of social anxiety and being mean is their defense mechanism. Perhaps they are trying to impress someone else. Perhaps they are just naturally unhappy.

Maybe you can relate. Unfortunately, I bet many of you can.

What is even worse though? Being able to relate to that behavior as an adult.

I need a job - a full time permanent job. I need a steady paycheck. I need employer-provided health insurance. I need to feel like I'm making a difference in my community. I need to give back.

I don't need to be looked down upon by a waitress because I work in the retail section of the same establishment. I don't need to be given the side eye and pushed aside when I am introduced. I don't need to be talked down to as if I am a puppy who just had an accident in the house. I don't need that tone of voice either.  I definitely don't need it from someone who treats good-paying customers in the same unacceptable manner.

Yes, I need a job. Yes, the idea of working there was ideal. Yes, the perks were nice. Yes, the super short commute was nice. Yes, it was actually enjoyable to cross paths with a few of the staff members. Yes, it was the only job offer I've had in almost two months. But....

No, it's not worth maybe (if I'm lucky) two four-hour shifts a week. No, it's not worth $10 an hour. No, it's not worth being left out of staff emails and staff parties when supposedly this is one big family. No, it's not worth being left off the work schedule two weeks in a row. No, it's not worth being in your 40s and feeling like you're back in high school again. No, it's not worth feeling demeaned and demoralized at the end of the shift by the tasks you're asked to do when you are capable, willing and eager to do more (and there is an obvious need). Life is too short to not be happy.

So I tried. I bit my tongue so much I had to go for ice numerous times. I held my breath - glad blue looks good on me. I did as my Grandfather taught me and "killed 'em with kindness". I put on my happy face and treated everyone with the utmost respect and courtesy. I tried....for a month. But I also left Northern Virginia for a reason. I didn't put up with this behavior there and I'm surely not giving up a $90,000 a year job with incredible benefits to start a  new life at the beach and put up with it here either.

I believe everything happens for a reason and there are no coincidences for what happens in life.  I'm being tested for sure and it's more challenging than I ever imagined. But my faith will take over as it always does and I will persevere.

After all, I do live only five blocks from the ocean now.......

Life is short. Lick the spoon.

I know everyone is probably sick of hearing me say how life is short and you should live with no regrets. You never know what could happen at any given moment. My parents are living proof.

Try retiring and then your wife, without any warning, has a brain bleed and her life flashes before your eyes. Then, miraculously, she is saved, comes out almost unscathed and retires as result. You build your dream vacation home in April of that year and then in December of that same year you find out that your cancer has come back and this time it has spread to the bone and chemo is your last and only hope.

By the grace of God, my parents are both finally on the road to good health and happiness! While I have had frustrating (stress-induced) health issues for the last two months that are still, unfortunately, lingering I remain immensely thankful.

While I am about to make a monumental change in my life (and I'd lie if I said I wasn't anxious) I am beyond excited and hopeful. I have dreamed of this - of him, of this house, of this town, of this life - and it is actually about to come true.

Some will be shocked but that's only because they assumed they knew me when they really don't know me at all. If you really knew me, you'd know that this has been a dream of mine since I was 10 years old, that this is the only place where I have ever been able to instantly find true peace, that I have been struggling for the last (at least) eight years in wanting to start over, that I am completely burned out with my career choice and want nothing to do with that line of work any longer, that I haven't been contently happy since I lost my source of unconditional love in April 2013, and that my faith is the only thing that powers me through my daily battles.

It isn't often that I am at a loss for words. But in this moment of pure gratefulness, Jason Gray lyrics are the best way for me to express how I feel for HIM and all that he has done, and continues to do, for me.

Hold on

Is this really the life I'm living?

'Cause I don't feel like I deserve it

Every day that I wake, every breath that I take you’ve given

So right here, right now

While the sun is shining down

I wanna live like there's no tomorrow

Love like I'm on borrowed time

It's good to be alive, yeah

I won’t take it for granted

I won’t waste another second

All I want is to give you

A life well lived, to say “thank you”

- Jason Gray

Life is short.

Lick the spoon.

You may never have that opportunity again.

Last Turn Home

It was the afternoon of Saturday, September 13, 2014 in Manteo, NC when she met him. He was doing a mutual friend a favor by accompanying her to a wedding so she didn't have to go alone. No intentions. No hidden agenda. Before that night was over, something magical occurred. It was the most unexpected, natural and genuine thing they ever experienced.

Over the last two (almost) years, their relationship naturally evolved right before their eyes and continues to do so.
Unassuming.
Free as they'll ever be.
It was nice to finally be herself and be accepted regardless.
It was refreshing for him to finally be loved as he should be.
He gets her.
She didn't know what pure happiness was until their lives collided.

Since September 13, 2014, they hadn't been more than 10 minutes away from each other and have never been apart for more than a week at a time. For the last 15 days, 249 miles and four hours have separated them. They never thought 15 days would feel like an eternity.

Unfortunately, personal illness, frustration, helplessness and depression have surfaced but, fortunately, hope and love remain on the prevailing side. Although it may be faint to them right now (especially her), there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. With patience and constant prayer, one day very soon they will never be apart again.

A very special ladybug brought them together that Saturday afternoon in the Outer Banks. A very special dragonfly oversaw the union. A very special hawk also had a hand in the magic. They have constant spirits watching over them and encouraging their every move.

It isn't over yet.
In fact, the real magic is just about to begin.

"Thank God that we don't have to be alone/The closer I get, the more that my heart knows/You're like that last turn home"

- Tim McGraw

Cheers to wine and Dad!

Well, hello, good to see you again, my friends! It's been a while.

To be honest, I have neglected this blog for most of 2016. I haven't been inspired to write.

I also have been preoccupied with my other blog which follows my dad's battle with prostate cancer and my obsession with a non profit to put an end to the wretched disease. The Father's Day race was a success and as the top individual fundraiser and leader of the top team again this year, I shall now get back to working on wine and food and all things happy.

Believe me, I have a LOT of happy to write about! Stay tuned, this is gonna get good!

Two years ago, I joined the IYI - If You Insist - membership at my happy place. I was growing bored with the regular monthly membership wines and needed a spark. Believe it or not, I was getting more wine than I could drink and what I did drink didn't excite me. Upgrading to the IYI membership was one of the best things I ever did! I went from receiving two bottles every month at $35 to two bottles every quarter at $250. Don't let anyone ever tell you that price doesn't matter with wine because it sure does!! Not that there aren't $20 or $30 bottles of wine I enjoy, but you can definitely tell a difference compared to a $100+ bottle! Every quarter, IYI members also get to attend a

members-only tasting event with a guest at no cost!

The very first IYI members-only event that I attended is still one of my absolute favorites. One of the reasons was because my dad was my "plus one" that night. Dad attended many wine tastings with me over the years until his cancer came back and the effects of chemo took over. While I still enjoyed the IYI events, something had always been missing until this most recent event.

June 2 was my last IYI members-only tasting (Yeah, you heard that. Stay tuned for a later post for the reason. I'm not ready to divulge it all just yet). Since Dad accompanied me to my first, it was only appropriate and fitting that he accompany me to my last. I was concerned that he wasn't going to feel up to going but from the moment I invited him he gave me an enthusiastic "Yes"! Up to a week prior, my dad had been feeling better and I couldn't be happier. Seeing him in pain is something that I cannot fathom, especially when there's nothing I can do about it. Having my dad with me for the Sparkman wines event was incredibly special to me. I cannot even begin to put it into words.

Before the event began, we, of course, had to open up our own bottle of wine to share. I mean, how can you just sit in a wine bar for a half hour and not drink wine? That's just nonsense!

When the weather's warm, I tend to drink white wines. It's kind of like when the summer clothes come out of hiding, the white wine does as well. I love a good Cab but I'll be ready for that when autumn comes back around. I'll give Master Cab a break for now.

Come to momma, Mr. Chardonnay!

Not having anything in mind except for a California Chardonnay, I started to peruse the selection. Then I saw it.

2013 Jayson Chardonnay

Pahlmeyer Vineyards

North Coast, California

Obviously, my eye went right to it because it's my favorite guy's first name. Then I remembered I had missed the Pahlmeyer wine event a while back because of a stupid work meeting (Don't they know to plan board meetings around my social calendar by now?) and this would be my chance to try one of the wines.  But then the description totally sold me. You will always have me at "toasted vanilla" when it comes to a Chardonnay.

A little pricier than I usually choose on a Thursday evening, I figured it would be worth it for many reasons and had it tossed in the chiller. Wow, was I right. I haven't had a Chardonnay this delicious in quite a while!

Jayson's beautiful golden hue had aromas of honey, green apple, caramel and mandarin orange. With a rich and creamy taste, hints of ripe peach softened my taste buds first and apple, banana, baking spices and a touch of toasted vanilla rounded this mouth-watering wine to a finish!

Proud of myself, I sent a picture to my favorite guy and his quick-witted self replied, "I hope you get a discount since they spelled my name wrong!"

Dad and I were definitely starting this night out right!

At mylast IYI event, we would be tasting wines from Sparkman Cellars of Washington State. We were fortunate enough to not only have my buddy, Tom, from International Importers but Merf, the winemaker of Sparkman Cellars, join us! What a treat!

Let's get started!

2014 Pearl

Sauvignon Blanc

Yakima Valley

Ya'll know I'm not a Sauvignon Blanc fan because I hate grapefruit and that's usually how Sauv Blancs smell and taste. Well, this one smelled even worse... unless you like a mix of dishwashing liquid and Pine Sol! I seriously looked around for a cloth so I could polish the WineStyles furniture with it.  Honestly, while it didn't taste like grapefruit, it did taste just as unpleasant as its aroma. Before the next wine, I used my water to rinse out the glass and then a paper towel to wipe out any residual Pine Sol. Mind you, I was the only one at my table who thought this way but again, that's why we all have different tastes and why there are so many wines out there! To each his own!

2012 Apparition

White Blend

Yakima Valley

Well, I was on a roll because I didn't care for this next white blend either. It had some serious aroma to it but not much taste. Dad got apricot and stone (have I taught him well or what?). My friend, Shauna, got mosquito repellent. I got a sweaty, oily mechanic after working in the garage on cars on a humid August 100 degree day. It had a "nonchalant" taste to it and Shauna said it best when she said it tasted "empty". I, of course, had an appropriate add-on to that comment - "empty like the brain of my ex-husband". Hey, if the wine fits.....

While I love the name Yakima because it's just a fun word to say, I am quite fond of Columbia Valley wines and was hoping the reds from that area wouldn't let us down.

Wilderness Red Blend

Columbia Valley

Does it smell like the wilderness? I know you're wondering.

Well, our conclusion was that it smelled like dog food and bear shit mixed with wild berries.

So yeah, maybe..... if that's your kind of wilderness.

In case you weren't sure, the wilderness also tastes like you're eating a candy fireball with a bite of lingering smoky licorice.

Yeah, I'll leave you to ponder those. I came at ya hard this time!

For whatever reason, this led to a discussion about bag phones. Some of you may not even know what a bag phone is but Shauna and I sure remember. Those things saved our young lives after high school. We felt invincible! As long as we had a bag phone, we could drive anywhere no matter how far or how long it took because we had that monstrous phone in its faux leather bag plugged into our car cigarette lighter. Yep, ya never know what diversions our conversations will take at my happy place. That's part of the magic.

Upward and onward to the next......I hope.

2012 Ruckus

Syrah

Columbia Valley

Well, the Ruckus Syrah surely wanted to be a funky red wine and ya'll know I love some stinky and funky-smellin' reds! It reminded us of green moss on a wet log in the woods. It tasted of cranberry candle wax with a stone fruit peachy finish with a little kick at the end. The best wine we tasted so far....

2013 Darkness

Syrah

Columbia Valley

Now we're talking!! Darkness is all about the barnyard funk, baby! The minute I took a whiff, I was hooked. Some said it had a flavor of olives but I got smooth, dark berries wrapped in oak. Shauna said it best when she said it reminded her of "being in a barn and the door is shut and its dark!"  I love a dilapidated barn! Give me a smooth oaky barnyard funk smellin' red in that dilapidated barn and I'm a happy girl!

2013 Evermore

Cabernet Sauvignon

Columbia Valley

Arthur typically saves the best for last and I usually agree. It would be hard to top Darkness for me though. However, Evermore was damn delicious and, lucky for me, I received a bottle in my last quarterly IYI batch!  The name instantly made me think of my favorite poet, Edgar Allan Poe. Think "The Raven".

What came to mind at first whiff? Vinyl, barnyard and dirty socks! Then second whiff was an old Victorian house that's dusty! Either way, it smelled amazing! This wine could use a couple of years laying down in the cellar and then it will really have a fantastic flavor. Fortunately, I can afford to do that! This will be a definite special occasion wine to pop open in a couple of years.

There is no better date than my dad! I am so honored to have had him by my side at my last IYI event!! Cheers to many more wine celebrations together!

In water one sees one's own face;
But in wine one beholds the heart of another.

~ French proverb

True colors run red

Sometimes it just ends. The moment has passed. The friendship is over. The memories, like those of a destroyed marriage, eventually just fall off the edge of your mind like the relationship never even existed. The partnership was never one of equality or even like-mindedness. You continually gave and they consumed every ounce like a thief  gorging on your selfless generosity. True colors are not always beautiful but they are detrimentally vivid. You don't feel good or bad about the demise. You just feel indifferent which speaks volumes in itself.  Before long, you feel absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. A sense of undeniable peace and contentment wraps your entire being like a warm blanket. A newfound freedom prevails. You realize red never was your color.